CHANGE: Principles – 5 truths about change

Welcome back Viphilus*

First, let’s close take care of some unfinished business … the answers to last week’s question.

The story of ugly reaction to change was the story about my Dad. He never adapted and it made the rest of his life terrible. Despite what pithy bumper stickers might suggest, that which doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger. It depends on what you do (and don’t do) with it.

The story of bad reaction to change was the story of me being re-assigned to an HR project. I eventually adapted but not until I had ruined Christmas for my family … something that didn’t need to happen. If I had been more adaptable or better able to manage (contain) my emotional reaction there would have been virtually no collateral damage. {the fact that it turned out very happily in the long run is moot … because that was only known after-the-fact … I needed to manage my reactions before I knew what the outcome might be}.

The story of the good reaction to change was the one about my new laptop. Sure, it took me a couple weeks to make up my mind to adapt, but there was no collateral damage and I self-corrected on my own … without an attitudinal adjustment from my loving wife.

OK, so there are some realities about truth that are incontrovertible. We can deny them and pretend that they aren’t true, but then we just make life long and hard. Life is hard enough when we know and face the truth … denial helps nothing. Accordingly I’d like to set forth 5 truths … 5 principles about change that are enlightening and can dramatically change the course of our life once we accept them.

Change Truth # 1 – Change is inevitable – it WILL happen

Go ahead. Say it. DUH!

I didn’t say that these truths would be earth-shatteringly new. Change is inevitable. We can trace an appreciation of this back thousands of years. One of the clearest and most succinct statements came from Heraclitus around 500 B.C. when he said, “The only thing that remains unchanged is change.”

It is the nature of the universe, and everything in it, to change … so an important skill to develop in becoming mature is to expect change (this way, you can better prepare for it).

Change Truth # 2 – Response to Change Is Personal

Since every person is unique, their response to change (stress, in general) is also unique. It is impossible to predict how specific changes will affect other people, except what we know from Truth # 3. There are times when we are tempted to judge someone else’s lack of adaptability regarding a specific issue, but here’s the thing … that is wrong (or at least, inappropriate).

Things that bother me don’t bother you … and vice versa. Chalk that up to different temperaments, different life experiences, different cultures and social customs, different … whatever. We may be tempted to mock whiners with the declaration, “First world problems!” when we hear them complain about the same thing that less privileged people might celebrate. And we may be justified … but be cautious … you likely do the same thing. The reality is that we each react to change differently so it’s quite unedifying to even comment on someone else’s adaptive capacity … unless of course they recognize they are being selfish or childish or foolish and are asking for your help or perspective.

Change Truth # 3 – Response to Change Is Always Emotional

“Change? I like change,” you might say. Chances are that what you likely mean is that you like variety. Change … at least the kind I’m talking about … is when something new is imposed on you.

Under those conditions, your response is always emotional. Always! You can’t help it. I’m not saying that you explode in rage, break down in tears, halt in fear or become numb in shock. I simply mean that your immediate reaction will be one that is emotional rather than rational. The specifics of type and intensity of emotion depends on a host of things … but the truth remains that it WILL BE EMOTIONAL.

Perhaps you believe that you are a person who is self-aware and able to recognize your emotions as they are happening in you. Great! The bad news is that that is true for only one in three of you.  Other social science data tells us that only 1 out of 4 people are not controlled by their emotions (if you are in a room with three other people and you know for a fact that one of them is very well managed regarding their emotions … well then, chances are likely that you and the other two people aren’t so well managed).

Why all this matters is that logical or rational solutions for dealing with change cannot be addressed until the emotional questions are first answered (“what’s in this for me?”   “how can I be certain that I will be OK?”    etc.)  If you are trying to help another person (or an organization) move through the transition of a real or imminent change, you are simply wasting your efforts (and likely making things worse) if you proceed first with logic and rational reasons. People need to be “settled down” first to get that sense that things will be OK. Then, and only then, can the change be dealt with effectively in a way that strengthens rather than weakens them.

Change Truth # 4 – Change Is an External Event … Our Response Is an Internal Process

Change inside a person is not a simple flip of a switch. It is an ongoing process that must be managed and monitored. This process is called transition … and we need to spend just as much time reinforcing change as implementing it.

I started out today to say that in my story about my career-shift, I simply “flipped the little switch in my head.” What I didn’t explain was that this switch was put in place with a lot of training … training to take a mental journey proactively so that the result is seeing myself in a very positive place regarding the change when the journey is over.

The graphic here gives an idealized outline of what a person experiences (emotionally) when they go through change. It’s virtually the same “curve” that you might have seen or referred to as the “grief cycle.” The reason that they are the same is that change evokes in us the sensation that we are going to lose something  … and grief is the result of loss. The loss doesn’t even have to be real before the body starts secreting reactive hormones (adrenalin – cortisol … and other stress hormones).  Typical emotions or conditions include:

• Denial quadrant – denial, shock, anger
• Resistance quadrant – anger, frustration, depression, ambivalence
• Exploration quadrant – skepticism, acceptance, importance, hope
• Commitment quadrant – understanding, enthusiasm, commitment

Change vs Transition

Change is inevitable and necessary   BUT  Transition is optional (and also necessary).

Change is a shift in external circumstances   BUT   Transition is an internal psychological reorientation to acceptably expand the comfort zone to accept the new reality.

Change is focused on results and outcomes   BUT  Transition is an inner experience that is not focused on results.

Transition is usually what people resist, not the change.

What we all have in common is that for every change, we go through a transition.

We resist giving up our sense of who we are: our identity as it is expressed in our current situation. We resist the chaos and uncertainty of the neutral zone - the in-between state. We resist the risky business of a new beginning - doing and being what we have never done and been before.

In order to effect change it is important to help people through the transition.

The difference between us as individuals is the speed at which we go through transition.

Change Truth # 5 – We Can Control Transition – the Internal Process in Us

The difference between people who adapt well and those who don’t can be explained by the difference between how they chose to take charge of the internal process of transition. First let’s look at the technical elements of that process that can be managed by recognizing that every successful change in an individual or group can be seen as 5 distinct but linked steps … something I learned in my formal training to be a change-management practitioner. It’s called the ADKAR model:

Awareness – I know that I need to change

Desire – I want to change

Knowledge – I know how to change

Ability – I am skilled at making change a reality

Reinforcement – I can sustain the change

I want to conclude this week with a Prime Directive borne out of Truth # 5....

PRIME DIRECTIVE

Control the change process within you - because you can

Next week I want to look at this prime directive in greater depth and discuss what we can intentionally do to bring us through change in order to thrive and not just survive.

I hope to see you back next Monday.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

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* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

CHANGE: The Good, Bad and Ugly - A Perspective

Welcome back Viphilus*

This month I want to talk about change. My goal is to help you think differently (better) about change if change is something that you don’t like. Let me cite a few of my favourite quotes regarding change:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”  ~  Charles Darwin

“I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.”   ~Georg C. Lichtenberg

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”  ~ Sydney J. Harris

“If something is not to your liking, change your liking.”  ~ Patricia Ryan Madson

“There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”   ~ German proverb

“When it becomes more difficult to suffer than to change... you will change.”  ~ Robert Anthony

“He who rejects change is the architect of decay.” ~ Harold Wilson

First let me be transparent. I don’t like change. I have proven to myself time and time again that change can be a powerfully good thing … but I still don’t like it. Just sayin’.

I want to set the stage for our discussions over the next few weeks by sharing a perspective that I’ve developed which comes out of three different stories from my life.

Story # 1

Back in the late 90s I was a marine meteorologist who also specialized in hurricane forecasting for the mid-latitudes. I had been one of a small handful of forecasters who had been specially trained in the 80s to deal with tropical cyclones that might affect eastern Canada. As the dozen years transpired between my initial training and the time of this story, I had become one of the primary people who did media interviews related to hurricanes, I made sure that annual reports were being written for the Canadian Hurricane Centre (CHC) and I just seemed to be one of the main couple of people that folks went to on such issues.

I was at a Christmas party with a few dozen colleagues when someone approached me and asked, “what did you do to piss off **** (the director)?” I had no idea and asked why he asked. He told me that he had just learned in a separate conversation with the director on the other side of the room that he was going to assign me to work on the inter-branch team that was working on the new classification reform project called U.C.S. (a federal-government-wide initiative). The assignment was going to be for about a year and a half.

I wanted to throw up. What kind of a Christmas present was this? What did I know about H.R. stuff? How could he do this to me? Hadn’t he been reading the comments that I had been putting on my annual performance evaluation where they asked me my desires and intentions over the next five years? (I had written on one of them that it was my goal to become “The King of the CHC!”)  Moving me out of meteorology and away from hurricane forecasting would kill any chance of “career” development. That was it. My career was over. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

Over the next few weeks (which included Christmas and New Years) I moped around like I was on death row. I completely ruined Christmas for my family because of my bad attitude. I was like a toxic waste dump … anyone who came near me was at risk of being infected.

Somewhere in the first week of January when I had been into the assignment for only a couple days, my wonderful wife sat me down (no, she didn’t sit down with me … she SAT ME DOWN) to offer some sage advice … and gave me an emotional cuff upside the head. Her attitudinal-adjustment speech went something like this. “Look … why don’t you just do with this like you do with everything else … make this a point of purpose for yourself … you know, just flip that little switch in your head and embrace this. If you just go out there and be the best HR classification expert that the world has ever seen I bet you’ll really enjoy it.:

Of course she was right. So I flipped that little switch … and embarked on one of the most professionally satisfying 18 months of my career. In the process I go to know every manager and director in Environment Canada’s Atlantic region, and got to meet virtually every one of the 300 employees across the 4 provinces. Until this assignment I might have known 20% of the people.

Story # 2

Mom and Dad dancing

My dad was a corporal with the Ontario Provincial Police; he worked as a communications officer at HQ in Toronto. The main tool of his trade was a teletype machine. I swear, the man could type 80-100 wpm using his 2-finger hunt ‘n peck  approach (there was no power-assist on those keys either … those suckers needed about 200-lbs of force per key). He was always at the centre of all real-time intelligence-sharing between detachments and other policing agencies, including federal and international.

His world changed in the late 70s when they took away his main tool and replaced it with a new one: a computer. My dad was not able to adapt. From what followed and my reflection on it in the years that have followed, I realize that my dad had always been unable to adapt. He wasn’t change-resistant … he simply avoided change at all cost. And the cost was very high, on him and our family.

To make a long and brutally sad story short, he left work on medical leave and spent the rest of his days in seclusion. He died in 1984 of a heart attack … but the last half dozen years were not pretty. The change at work created a fracture in him that never repaired. He had a psychotic break and essentially lived out his days clinically insane. He wasn’t a danger to others but simply retreated into a delusional shell that nobody could intervene or “change.”

Story # 3

I retired from Environment Canada in December 2012, which meant one thing … I no longer had a laptop or a cell phone (did you know that when you retire they make you turn that stuff back in? – go figure eh).

My wife, Deb, bought me a new laptop for Christmas which ran on a Windows 8 operating system.  Harumph!  I was an XP guy.  The laptop was cool though … oodles more power and memory and speed and features. But it wasn’t XP. No worries, I could learn. I opened it up, turned it on, saw the Windows 8 screen, which didn’t allow me to do anything intuitively (based on XP-style intuition) … and then shut it down and put it back in the box … where it sat for 2-3 weeks. Deb’s feelings weren’t hurt … she knew that I’d get to it when I was ready (she’s the techno-queen in our little world so she also knew that when I got stuck trying to figure it out she could help me).

Being forced to use only my desktop computer (which was old) I decided I needed to get past my learning-curve issues and just make the effort. Within a day I discovered that it wasn’t so bad after all … it was just different. Over the coming days, weeks and months I kept discovering new functionality as I explored.

Good?  Bad?  Ugly?

OK, I’ve told you three personal stories. In my own assessment on what I understand about change, I am going to rank these stories as being good, bad and ugly: but not necessarily in the order that I told them.

Before next week see if you can determine which of those stories was an example of GOOD adaptability? Which story was a story of BAD adaptability? And which story was just UGLY?

I hope to see you back next Monday.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

PS…. Regarding story # 1 … when I returned to the CHC after the HR assignment my manager said that they wanted to create a Program Manager position for the CHC. Since I was the most senior hurricane forecaster who had invested more in that program than anyone else I likely had the best idea about what such a position might look like. Also, since I had this new training on how to write work-descriptions according to the new classification model, she asked if I could draft a work-description and statement of requirements for the job for her as a starting point. Of course I agreed. When the job was eventually posted for hiring I applied for it. I was later called into the HR director’s office where he and my manager told me that I was the only applicant and that they were simply appointing me in the position. Turned out that nobody else applied because they felt they didn’t stand a chance against the guy who had written the job description. Turned out that that “career ending” assignment actually made my desired career possible. I wished that I knew at that Christmas party what I know now … that change can sometimes be the only painful path to success.

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

PRIME MOVERS – Being Passionate

Welcome back Viphilus*

Leadership guru, John Maxwell, said, “Nothing of significance was ever accomplished without passion.”

After spending more than thirty years in public service and serving in the local church for almost forty years, I feel confident in saying, “Maxwell is right.” So let’s talk about passion. Better yet … let’s talk about what we can do in ourselves to help ignite passion. After all, passion is the deepest energy behind accomplishment.

What is passion?

Dictionaries offer some definitions. Passion is:

-       a strong positive affinity or love for something or someone;

-       a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love;

-       a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or intense, compelling emotion towards a subject, idea, person or object.

These definitions make passion sound like emotional energy, but I’m convinced that it goes deeper to something intrinsic …something triggered at the depth of the spirit. Passion is a rich form of personal and intentional energy that comes in three dimensions, each deserving a separate conversation.

Passion from Purpose Lights Us Up

Give people a purpose or mission and there’s nothing they can’t accomplish! And that jazzes us … all of us. Purpose is activation energy; it gets us up in the morning and energizes us through the day. Helen Keller reminded us that without it, life is joyless: “happiness comes from fidelity to a worthy purpose.” So it isn't just purpose, but the kind of purpose that benefits someone beyond you.

I’ve already written about the importance of purpose a couple of times in this blog, but I cannot overstate it. Purpose creates passion and life isn't worth living without passion. And while I have made it clear that I’m a Christian, it is clear that the power of purpose transcends religion, as evidenced by the following quotes … one from a theologian and one from an atheist philosopher:

William Barclay (Christian theologian) said, “There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.”

Frederich Nietzsche (atheist philosopher) said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

Purpose-driven passion answers the question of why we do what we do.

Amongst the most satisfying times in my life have been when I've been involved with a team on an intense and focused mission. We all knew what we had to do and, for the duration of the mission, the mission itself almost seemed to define everyone’s raison d’être. 

I often worry for those who retire that they’ll lose their reason to get up each morning and that they will lose their sense of identity (which is very linked to the purpose motive). I have the same concern for young people. You can have a job to go to, but if it’s not clear to you what you’re doing and WHY, even the best job becomes a drudgery that drains your energy rather than rejuvenating you. {Managers pay attention: if your employees don't fully understand what you expect them to do, it is your fault if they are disengaged. You are guilty of managerial malpractice}. 

One fact worth pondering; religious people find it easier to see purpose, and therefore, generate passion within themselves. Why do you think that is?

A WISE ACTION: if the purpose of your job isn't clear, seek clarity; in absence of finding it, create it yourself (don't be a victim to a bad manager). Better yet, create meaning for yourself in all that you do.

Passion from Strengths Brighten the Light

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it.” Sadly, most people live with artificial limitations in their lives which form ceilings to keep them from rising to their potential. A big part of that potential is defined by our strengths: things that energize us when we do them (in contrast to the traditional definition of strengths which are simply things we do well).

I briefly referenced this perspective on strengths and weaknesses last month when talking about P.I.E. I want to give it a fuller treatment today. From the time you were a child you knew that you were good at certain things, you enjoyed doing certain things, and certain things literally seemed to energize you. There were also things which you knew drained you. As you grew older you became aware that spending a lot of time with people also either energized or drained you, to varying degrees (this describes the different ends of the extrovert-introvert spectrum). An important part of being fully engaged in life is to intentionally spend time doing things that energize you. This does NOT mean that you are to become irresponsible and shun those things which drain you … that wouldn't be living in the real world. What it DOES mean is that you must become sufficiently self-aware that you know how to fill your emotional tank by making sure that some part of each day … or certainly each week … has activities which strengthen you.

Marcus Buckingham defines “a strength” differently from most. “A strength,” he says, “isn't just something which you re good at … it is something which strengthens you when you do it.”  He gives examples of things at which you may excel, but which actually drain you; these are tasks which the responsible person has to do. There are also things which you may not be very good at, but which actually energize you; these, he whimsically muses, are hobbies. But there are those things which are true strengths which make you feel good when you participate in them, they increase your internal energy because it is effortless to do them, and you get better at them with time because you were literally made to do them.

Forgive the nerdy analogy but this is like “cold fusion”; you get more energy out than what you put in. I know that when I do work that plays to my strengths and avoids my weaknesses (things that drain me when I do them, even if I’m pretty good at doing them) I accomplish far more and feel more energized when I’m done!

A WISE ACTION: don’t be a square peg in a round hole … find or create opportunities to work in areas of your strengths at least 15% of the time; amazingly, it will energize you for the rest of your work. Really!

Passion from Callings Set Us Ablaze

I've been a keen people observer for decades and have come to a conclusion; paradoxically, the one thing we all share in common is that we each are unique. Previously, I linked uniqueness to our strengths. When those strengths are applied to a purpose that benefits others beyond ourselves, the inner light gets very bright and we come alive.

Now let me share my best wisdom on this by taking it one step further. Rather than a generic purpose, what if it’s a purpose that seems custom-made for you? This helps distinguish an occupation from a vocation. An occupation is something you choose, whereas, a vocation is something that chooses you. A vocation (from the word, “vocal”) is a “calling” and something that you feel compelled to do. In fact, it drains you (or even crushes you) if you don’t do it. If unsatisfied, a calling becomes an inner state of angst that rises up from within, signalling that there is a specific mission you've been “called” to but are ignoring. Bill Hybels, pastor of Willow Creek Community Church describes the inner angst that comes from resisting called-purpose as a “holy discontent.” He believes this comes from resisting what God may be asking you to do. Having experienced this myself I agree with Pastor Hybels.

It is in this context that we are finally getting to the original meaning of the word passion. Our English word, passion, originates from the Latin word, patior, meaning to suffer or to endure. People endure hardships with passion and conviction for seemingly incomprehensible reasons, because those reasons reside in the core of their spirit (maybe the expression, "the passion of the Christ," finally makes sense to you in this moment). To resist such a calling crushes the spirit because it is working against called-purpose. To fight the inner calling of passion is debilitating and disorienting and renders most other things to be of little importance.

This is a lesson I learned only in the last decade, and it has progressively become my wisdom. My time as a meteorologist with Environment Canada, especially the decade that I served with the Canadian Hurricane Centre, was exceptionally rewarding. I almost always had a clear sense of my purpose, whether it was a daily challenge, a weekly crusade, or a seasonal mission. I also had great managers and directors who were savvy enough to put me to work according to my strengths.

But it was never a vocation. I wasn't called to do it. As for the man who replaced me? Now he was called to do it. From the time he was a young child he “knew” he was meant to be a meteorologist. It’s like he was created for the job. I believe that he was. For years I was known as “the hurricane guy”; that was my occupation. In my final five years I found what I was made to do and in the process became known as “the life balance guy.” I found my calling. I was made for what I’m doing now. That light inside me is like a raging fire. Although I’m retired from public service my passion has never been so ablaze. Clearly, I must keep doing what I’m doing.

Caution: you might not discover your calling just by looking for it. I think that's fine. In fact, it might be necessary that you gain other experiences or training in your time of preparation for when you do discover it. Don't be bummed out if you don't know what you were made to do ... there's still a lot to do that will fill you with passion until your calling is clear.

A WISE ACTION: my best wisdom on this is to discover what you were made to do and DO IT! But until then, purpose-driven strengths-focused work can make for a great first career and a great life.

Closing the Loop

Let's take a final look at the basic needs that I've been writing about this month (someday I may tackle writing a book just on this diagram because there is soooooooooo much to learn from it.)

The Power to Rise Above the Animal in Us – Some Conclusions

From the previous two blog posts I showed that animal needs and human needs work in a completely opposite sense from each other. Animal needs, or “needs of deficiency,” motivate us to fill them when they STOP being met. On the other hand, human needs, or “needs of growth and being,” motivate us to fill them when they START being met.

Animal needs push or DRIVE us, whereas, human needs pull us inward towards inner development and growth. The deepest of all human needs … to connect to God and the thing(s) He wants you to do… is where the inward pull is strongest; it’s what I refer to as being “called” rather than pulled. This is PASSION at its greatest.

Now please pay attention to the point I made last week because it’s the punchline … and for you, this may be all you ever need to get from this blog:

Fulfilled human needs have the power to override our animal needs 

... and the deeper the human needs that are fulfilled, the greater this power!

Clarifying the Point

This blog is about “breaking the self-sabotaging blocks of self-limiting, self-defeating, and self-destructive thoughts and behaviours.” It’s about learning how to train your elephant (if you missed them you might want to check back on the Mar 16 and Mar23 posts).

The only path, I believe, to learning how to get out of the trappings of the superficial animal-needs levels is to intentionally engage yourself in the deeper human-needs levels. GO DEEP!  At the deepest spiritual level where God meets us, we find, in Him, the power to stop thinking and behaving like an animal … all the while letting the strength of that animal do our heaviest lifting for us. One of my favourite authors, Gordon MacDonald, wrote a powerful book in the 80s called, “Ordering Your Private World.” Through him, I learned the profound wisdom that life works much better when we choose to be CALLED rather than to be DRIVEN. The former sustainably rejuvenates while the latter is exhaustible and must be continually filled.

Now don't make the mistake that too many Christians make ... that all you need is faith in God to reach your full-potential and become a decent human-being. That's simply wrong and I can cite dozens of biblical passages that refute that thinking. There is still work that we have to do ... a lot of work ... but that work can only achieve the results we want when we partner with God in our deepest character development.

A great place to start is to do whatever you do with passion. If you can't pursue something with passion, then don’t bother doing it!

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

PRIME MOVERS – Being Inspired

Welcome back Viphilus*

Today we will look at INSPIRATION, how it works, and how it is fundamentally different from DRIVE.

To get us started, let’s throw out a definition. The word “inspire” comes from the Latin, and literally means, to breathe life into. Inspiration then means, “full of breath” or “full of life.”  INSPIRATION can be external but it is mostly internal and it is that thing you feel inside when you are moved to grow and BE better. If you recall from the May 4 post, DRIVE is that thing you feel inside when you are moved to acquire (get) more (or better). See the difference? One is about GETTING while the other is about BEING. That’s just the beginning of the differences.

Last week I introduced this diagram of our basic needs and spoke about the outer animal needs, often referred to as the "needs of deficiency." I showed how those needs DRIVE (or push) us outwards as we seek to fill unmet physical and emotional needs. They come from instincts for survival and we are born with those needs ... needs that drive us to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

The human needs, often referred to as "needs of growth and being," work in the exact opposite sense of the animal needs. Animal needs, motivate or move us to fill them when they STOP being met while human needs motivate or move us to fill them when they START being met. And, whereas the animal needs block us from being motivated to fill the deeper needs until they themselves are met, the human needs are a self-sustaining, self-generating form of motivation … the more you fill them, the more you want to fill them and the even deeper needs.

Back on April 13 I introduced you to Dan Pink’s 11-minute video on human motivation. If you haven’t seen it yet you should check it out … then come right back for the discussion.

I’m guessing there were a few eye-openers in there for you. Let me highlight a few of those. First, did you understand the truth that employees aren't motivated to do work if you aren't paying them enough, but once you take the issue of basic monetary needs off the table (pay them enough to survive) then money no longer motivates the same way? This is prime example of animal needs vs human needs.

My wife and I were at a marriage seminar a few years back and we heard the same concept being espoused by the facilitator, except in regard to sex. “In marriage,” he said, “sex only accounts for about 20% of what makes up a good and healthy marriage … unless there is no sex happening … then it is 80%.”  My wife and I looked at each other and said, “Yep.” We looked around the room at all the other “mature” couples and saw many nods of acknowledgement. We had all learned that as long as there is enough sex to satisfy the basic human needs, then sex isn't really all that important … meaning … there isn't a strong urgent need to satisfy the libido, because it IS being satisfied. But take that away, and the unmet need for sex becomes an obstacle to almost everything else and a healthy marriage is pretty much impossible. Even the Apostle Paul, a celibate, understood this and taught it in his marriage seminars (1 Corinthians 7).

Now here’s the problem. If the basic animal needs are not satisfied … with enough to take those issues off the motivational-table, then they pose a huge barrier to personal growth because filling the deeper needs becomes unimportant. It’s not impossible to fill these deeper needs, it’s just very difficult to even want to. This is where inspiration and passion come in (we’ll look a passion next week). There are things we can intentionally do … proactively … strategically … tactically … to begin filling the deeper needs even if our more superficial needs are not being filled. This is hard at first but it has an immediate snowballing effect if you can find the start button. And here is your motivation to find it:

The deeper the human needs that you fulfill, the greater the power that you have to override the animal needs.

Once you begin intentionally repeating this, it changes from a snowball effect to an avalanche effect and you will unlock the unconscious mind and make possible amazing personal growth and development. Things like protest fasts-to-the-death, or martyrdom, can’t be explained any other way.

This is where Maslow was criticized by other researchers because they knew his basic theory had some holes, knowing that the system isn't linear. Like most organic systems, it is much more complex because it contains synergistically linked switches that turn on and off. Unmet animal needs (physiological – emotional – etc.) turn the switch off for wanting to fill the deeper needs. BUT … and this is a BIG BUT … if you can find some way to get past the lack of desire to do it and proactively fill any of those deeper needs anyway, what you have actually found is another switch to turn off the need to fulfill those more superficial desires. Once you do that, it then becomes even easier to continue “going deep” and pursue the filling of the deeper needs. And the more you fill the deeper needs, and the deeper that those needs are that you are filling, the greater your ability (power) to turn off the animal needs almost at will. This power is greatest at the deep spirit level.

Inspiration is finding the motivation to want to fill those deeper needs, regardless of whether the more superficial animal needs are met or not. It is a pulling or “calling” inward by the deeper longings to be a human being and not an animal. In other words, the deeper the needs being fulfilled, the greater the power or “call” to override the more superficial outer needs.

In practice it is the inhaling of good ideas, philosophies, paradigms and stories which incite you to positive action. This is the idea behind the Apostle Paul’s instruction to dwell on positive (inspiring) thoughts which should then stir your actions:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)

This raises perhaps the most important point left to make … that self-inspiration involves more than just thinking – it also involves actions. Following through on positive thoughts or impressions and actually doing the right things plays an important role in perpetuating inspiration. Doing right will mean that you’ll do things you don’t always feel like doing or things that you have to do. Yet, it is these very things which determine what you’ll be able to do more effectively in the future. This is the power of rituals. Doing right actually creates the inspiration to continue to do right as well as instill greater confidence that you are doing right. The legendary composer, Igor Stravinsky, said, “Just as appetite comes by eating, so work (action) brings inspiration, if inspiration is not discernible at the beginning.”

Inspiring yourself also includes the practice of exhaling the bad ideas, philosophies, paradigms and stories which keep you locked into negative actions … locked into poor behaviours which don't match the desires of your conscience. And just as you must intentionally focus on the healthy thoughts for inspiration, you must intentionally cast-out negative thoughts which leave no room for the positive. This is the practice of high-performers and highly effective people.

The beauty of such self-motivation is that, unlike the basic outer needs turn themselves off once the needs are fulfilled, the deeper needs provide a sustainable source for motivation because they are never truly, “satisfied.” They continually pull / call you to new depths of character development and growth. Look at the graphic below, with some new annotations on the one from above.

How Do I Find the Start Button?

This is the big question people seem to have. “How do I find the start button to going deeper?” Christian psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book, “Integrity,” suggests that the required motivation to make a character change happens only when people have to finally face the reality that their lack of ability in some areas is costing them. And Dr. Cloud is very specific in listing three basic motivations: reality losses, rewards, and consequences. He says that, “People change when they ‘play the movie,’ which is to take a hard look at their life and work, then play that reality forward to see if they like the way the future movie of their life and career plays out. In that way, people begin to experience the future losses, rewards, and consequences right now and get with reality.” In, “The Power of Full Engagement**,” Loehr and Schwartz would have you ask yourself the question this way: “Is the life I am living worth what I am giving up to have it?”

Connecting this to our needs, Dr. Cloud suggests that we can imagine future “needs of deficiency” being thwarted, and use this to spirit (inspire) our change. This is a brilliant way to use the weaknesses of our animal side (those outer needs) as a platform for strengthening the human part of us. The fear of future losses, anticipation of future rewards, and clear vision of future consequences can be the beginning of self-actualization (level 7 in the concentric circles). Once that deeper-level need begins to be fulfilled (beyond the beginning), it can quickly become self-perpetuating. 

ACTION TIME … inspire yourself with the following reflections.

The following suggestions of Stephen Covey build directly on what I just shared from Dr. Cloud. Consider imposing 4 underlying assumptions about yourself for a period of 4 months and see how this influences your self-motivation. This can be powerful guidance to fuel your spiritual energy because it causes you to draw from a very different well of strength and integrity. The following can encourage you to live a more balanced, integrated and powerful life each day, engaging all four of your dimensions of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual:

For the body – assume you've had a heart attack; ponder how you should live … then live accordingly.

For the mind – assume the half-life of your profession is two years; ponder how you should spend your time differently … then spend it accordingly.

For the heart – assume everything you say about another, they can overhear; ponder how you should change your speech … then speak accordingly.

For the spirit – assume you have a one-on-one visit with your Creator every quarter; ponder how you should live … then live accordingly.

If you are serious about learning how to inspire yourself, thinking alone won't do it ... you need to give yourself action steps.

See you next week when we look at the Prime Mover known as Passion.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

**  "The Power of Full Engagement" is one of the most important books I have ever read.