SLOWING – how to S-L-O-W D–O–W-N

Good to have you back Viphilus*

This post is the last on the topic of slowing down (April's theme and topics are shown in the margin at right). Today the focus is on actions … so let’s quickly get to some practices to help you slow down. Well, not too quickly.

What should you expect when trying to slow down? Know this … even the simplest (or goofiest) of the suggestions below can be important scaffolding to help you build a slower cadence into your life. The ebb and flow of life naturally presents you with enough real urgent situations without having to manufacture your own, intentionally or accidentally.

The learning objective is to take (make) every possible opportunity to break the rhythm of URGENCY in your life and choose to do things simply because they are IMPORTANT … and do them before they become urgent. This helps establish in you a proactive nature while diminishing your natural reactive tendencies. As well, it helps bring about significant holistic recovery from the stresses associated with urgency.

Remember the time-matrix from the March 16 post? If you haven’t read it, stop now and read that and the other posts from March … they are the set-up for today’s. Choose to live in Quadrant 2 as much as you can. Choose to live in Quadrant 3 as little as humanly (and divinely) possible; it’s transformative!  Choose to never live in Quadrant 4.

Read the March 16 post for a reminder of what this is about

Below is a baker’s dozen of suggested rituals (some with a few parts to them). Read them right through to the end. Then read the list again, stopping to pause on ones that intrigued you. Spend a long time pondering the ones that annoy or scare you.

1.    Make a commitment to yourself – RIGHT now – to not try to slow down too quickly or expect instant results from your efforts of slowing.

2.    Become more intentional about doing things because they are important to do and not just because they have a deadline. For things that come with a deadline, accomplish them long before the deadline makes it urgent. This will help to break your dependency on being driven by urgency rather than importance. Make a commitment to yourself right NOW. (if you are a person of faith, ask God for help in this).

3.    Begin immediately some of John Ortberg’s suggested slowing-down disciplines:

·         Deliberately drive in the slow lane (and rather than cursing those who pass you, think nobler thoughts about them and relish in the joy of being a considerate driver)

·         Declare a fast from honking… put your horn under a vow of silence

·         Eat your food slowly… force yourself to chew at least 15 times before each swallow.

4.    Go a day without wearing a watch

5.    Each morning as you begin your normal routine, include the following affirmation (or something similar) out loud to yourself: “My parents were right … haste makes waste. There are too many important people and too many important goals in my day to jeopardize any one of them by hurrying … so I will slow down and allow myself to accomplish the most.”

6.    If you are a person of faith …. over the next month introduce BillHybels’ slowing down practices into your life to improve the effectiveness of your prayer-time with God:

·         Let your knees hit the floor first when you roll out of bed; this forces you to slow down and shift from your agenda to God’s and keeps you from beginning your day in a hurry

·         Journaling (gets your RPMs down from 10,000 to 5,000)

·         Write out your prayers (gets your RPMs then down to about 500)

·         Listen to God (only possible by getting the RPMs way way down)

7.    Pick a day for you (and your family if possible) to declare a “technology fast.” No Internet, TV, text messaging, or email (or even pick just one of those). Progress to trying this each week.

8.    Seize every opportunity to practice solitude. Try for at least one hour a week where you simply assess your degree of impatience and impulsiveness. Know that these stem from hurry-sickness. Make a commitment to yourself to TRAIN these out of you.

Quiet time alone is one of the best ways to slow down

9.    Schedule unstructured-time in your calendar (time when you are not doing or producing – just being).

10. Take an hour to sit on a bench in the middle of a shopping mall and watch the frenzied nature of people going by, noting the look of urgency in their eyes. Following that realize that others have likely noticed you through the same eyes. Think about this and then purpose to slow down.

11. Here’s another one from Ortberg … at the grocery store, look carefully to see which check-out line is the longest and get in it … then let one person go ahead of you.

12. For the rest of your life, never again push the “CLOSE DOOR” button on an elevator (after all, it’s nothing more than an urgency-enabling device to keep you locked in that destructive paradigm). Cherish the gift of these extra few seconds and use them to your advantage:

·         Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths

·         Close your eyes, take one deep breath and just clear your mind

·         If you are not alone, enjoy the private amusement while you watch others reach past you to push the button, evidence of their own hurry-sickness … then pray for them

·         Reflect in your mind over the top 3 roles that you are playing that day … or the top 3 goals that you have for that day.

13. For one week, when you drive in the car alone, do not turn on the radio, CD player, IPOD, (or cassette or 8-track) or have any sound. If you get through a week, try another one. If still successful keep it going as long as you can.

shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Some of these may sound pointless or silly but don’t underestimate their power to help initiate in you a paradigm shift away from a hurried perspective. Remember the prime directive from the Mar.9 post: Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life!

OK, so if you did what I suggested and have read through them a couple times, reflecting on some, pondering deeply on others …. Then you are ready.

PICK 2 and implement them immediately.

Getting Real
If you are still looking for something more than just a list before you decide which ones you'll pick … read on for some real-life stories about some of these in either my life or the life of someone I have had the privilege of training. The numbers correspond to the list numbers above.

1.    Slowing down too quickly – almost everyone jumps in too quickly and tries to microwave the benefits that come from slowing. My first attempt was in the early 90s and it took the form of a personal retreat for a week. I hadn’t heard about John Ortberg or any of his ideas about simple ways of introducing spiritual disciplines into the life of an ordinary person. My expectations about the results of my retreat were other-worldly so, of course, I could only end up disappointed. By the conclusion of my week of “slowing down” I was in much worse shape and was convinced that such pursuits were sheer nonsense. It would be almost a decade before I would try again … but not by conscious decision … it was an emotional breakdown that would eventually make the choice for me.

2.    Be intentional about doing things just because they are important – I remember the day I made the commitment to stop living reactively and start living proactively. It was after re-reading Covey’s 7-Habits book, and in particular, his ideas surrounding proactivity and the Eisenhower time-matrix. This was a game-changer for me and dramatically changed my use of time; I realized that I would never find time for anything, but that I had to make time for what was important. Before I knew it the things that were important started to naturally crowd out the things that were simply urgent. I also discovered that many of my quadrant 1 activities (things that were both urgent and important) could be shifted to quadrant 2 (important but not urgent) by simply dealing with them before they became urgent. I remember the most immediate benefit was the dramatic decrease in my perceived stress load.

3.    Ortberg’s slowing down disciplines – The first year I began teaching these things in a group setting was fun as I got to see, for the first time, the reactions of other people to some of these exercises. There was one woman who confessed to succumbing to road-rage too easily. When I suggested that she might consider practicing the discipline of deliberately driving in the slow lane, her reaction was more than visceral … it bordered on hysterical revulsion. The group enjoyed (a little too much) pointing out to her that since her reaction was so strong that it had, in fact, identified to her (and all the rest of us) where she should begin her scaffolding. She returned the following session and reported that she gave it the ol’ college try … and that it nearly killed her to slow down that much. [Don’t underestimate the power of these simple exercises to evoke strong emotional reactions. And understand, the stronger the reaction, the more it needs to grab your attention about something wrong on the inside.]

6.    Bill Hybel’s slowing down disciplines – I embraced a couple of these more than a decade ago. The one worth reporting here is how I wake up – instantly!  When my eyes open up I literally pop out of bed and am instantly functional … as in, my mind is already racing with what I want/need to do and I could be at my computer 60 seconds later, cranking out something. I realized, however, that just because I could, doesn't mean that I should … and Hybels' slowing down exercise of letting my knees hit the floor first as I roll out of bed is a powerful one for me. It’s an instituted ritual that became a habit that became lifestyle. This action forces me to slow the RPMs of my brain down as I begin my day with prayer. (for those who aren't comfortable with that, then let it be time for contemplation). Either way … I have found it is pretty hard to do anything quickly when I get on my knees. The position alone engenders humility which is hard to do in a hurry. This is a great SLOW way to start my day.

10. Sit on a bench in the mall and watch hurried people – I've done this for much of my life. Initially I did this exercise in a pure judgmental mode, feeling superior to the “poor clods who just don’t get it.” It wasn't very noble but I did find it insightful. Later I noticed that I was watching more from a pity-mode, genuinely feeling sorry for “those poor people who just don’t know any better.” Now, when I do this I observe the hurry in the faces, demeanor and words of others and immediately find myself examining my own remaining hurry-sickness to see if I might still have more of it in me than I want to admit. Obviously, the less judgmental the better … but it’s all still data-gathering.

11. Ortberg’s grocery store checkout exercise – this one deserves its own section because of the following funny story. The first year I taught this material to a group there were 18 people in the group, including a husband and wife. It was a Saturday morning and when it was over I sent everyone on their way with a strong encouragement to practice some of the slowing down rituals we had discussed and then report back to the group next time how they did. I began the following meeting with the promised follow-up, “So, how did all of you do with your slowing exercises?”

The husband of the couple was the first to speak. “After the group finished last time we went straight to the grocery store … something we had planned on doing before we came to group that day. We did our shopping and came to the checkouts with about a half cart of groceries. I said to my wife, ‘Well, I guess we should probably do Peter’s grocery store exercise, shouldn't we?’  ‘Right now?’ she pushed back. He said, ‘well with that attitude, I think you need this right now!’” (brave husband)

In his story he told how she rolled her eyes and harrumphed as they looked for the longest line. To their shagrin, one line was twice as long as the others (I'm convinced that this only happens in Nova Scotia). After another harrumph they joined the long line and proceeded to experience a 15 minute slow-shuffle to the cash.

Oh yeah … he is about 6’3” and well over 300 pounds. This is important to know for what happens next.

When they finally get to the checkout, he says to his wife, “well, we might as well go all the way with this,” at which point he turned to the woman behind them and said, “why don’t you go ahead of us?” The woman politely refused saying something like, “Oh no, thank you … you've been waiting just as long as I have … besides, I have a lot more groceries than you do.” To which my proud student said, “no, you have to go first … it’s part of my therapy!”

His wife confirmed that the woman backed up a little (and probably considered switching lanes). [these exercises don’t have to be boring – they can be downright hilarious, if you let them]

12. The Close Door Button – of all the things I have taught, this is the one that has garnered the greatest attention and has been practiced by the most trainees. I have had people run into me 5 years after I've delivered training, telling me that they still don’t push the button. Personally, I have made wonderful use of elevator time, especially during my working years, to steal an extra 5-10 seconds of recovery through one or two cleansing breaths. One thing is for sure … there is an unwritten code in society that declares, “he who is closest to the panel must push this button.” I've actually received some very dirty looks from people who gave up waiting for me to push it and almost pushed me out of the way to do what I was “supposed to do.” I actually had one woman (in her late 50s or early 60s) actually stare at me in disgust while she repeatedly (noisily) pushed the button. I confess that I didn't take the high road … I blurted out laughing as I said, "In a hurry, are we?" OK, I'm not proud of myself for that one, yet I'm smiling as I recall it now. 

13. Drive in quiet – joking aside, this one literally was transformative for me. Until 2001 the thought of driving alone with no radio or music playing was unconscionable. Then I had my crash ‘n burn. Obviously something snapped in me because I lost all interest in music or news and for a period of almost a year there was total silence in the car while I drove alone. I didn't choose this … it was apathy that really made the choice. BUT … I came to discover that with no sound, I was able to think. Think about what? The things that had led to my breakdown. I started enjoying this quiet time for thinking and deep contemplation. It carried over into my out-of-car life and I found myself enjoying silence and noiselessness at every waking opportunity. It was probably almost ten years before I started listening to anything again in the car … and even then, only on occasion. But to this day, the first 2-4 hours of my day are usually in total silence. What started as a dysfunctional response in the car has turned into one of my most important recovery practices. I find that sound, even music that I love, amps me up inside. Silence slows me down. I need SLOW because there is already enough FAST in everything else.

OK…. Pick 2.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"