The PIE PRINCIPLE – A Story and a Prime Directive for Engagement

Happy Easter Monday Viphilus*

A few years ago a colleague and I were asked to train a group of about a dozen managers on change-management and engagement. The managers had been flown in to Toronto from around the country for a multi-day retreat and the director wanted us to kick off their retreat with a full-day workshop. He felt that it would be advantageous for us to get to know the managers a bit before our actual training, and of course, we agreed. He invited us to fly in the evening before the retreat and join them for an icebreaker meal at a restaurant close to the hotel.

We sat at a long table and enjoyed pleasantries while surveying the menus. Everything listed sounded delicious, so I knew that I would do what I’d done countless times before … let my server surprise me with whatever he chose.

[Side note – This used to make my family crazy. My kids would always say, “how can you do that Dad … what if he brings you something you don’t like?” My wife would sometimes warn with, “what if he chooses the most expensive item on the menu, like the surf ‘n turf?”]

Everyone was chatting over the menu choices and my colleague asked me what I was going to have. “I think I’ll let the waiter surprise me – it all looks good.” She smiled because she’d seen me do that before. Our host director, sitting directly across from me and having heard my comment asked, “what if he brings you something you don’t like?” The manager directly across from my colleague had obviously been intrigued by the conversation and piped in with, “what if he picks the most expensive item on the menu, like surf ‘n turf?”

At this point I suddenly realized that a dozen pair of eyes and ears were trained on me … all with faces of incredulity. I erupted into laughter (and I think I might even have said something like, “what are you all, my wife and kids?”) 

Then I realized it … I had an opportunity to begin the workshop right there in the restaurant. I explained to the director (knowing that many ears were listening) that I had already glanced at the menu and knew that there was nothing I didn't like … that I enjoy being surprised … and that by letting him pick my meal I’ll get better service from the waiter than all the rest of them put together. [note - making a predictive claim like this is akin to The Babe pointing to the centre-field bleachers while waiting for the pitch - pretty gutsy].

All I got back were dismissive glances and a few rolled eyes. 

OK, this wasn't our server ... but could you engage this guy?

The server arrived, systematically working his way down the table taking the orders. He was a pleasant chap who clearly enjoyed serving larger groups. When he got to me I handed him the closed menu and said that everything looked good. Then I got quite specific, “Surprise me – I don’t want to know what you’re choosing until it arrives – there is nothing I don’t like.” His eyes widened (I’m sure that if it were a CSI episode the camera would have zoomed in to see his pupils dilating) but he wasn't flustered … “I can do that.” He finished taking the orders and departed.

The looks changed from dismissive to expectant … as if they needed more of an explanation. Perfect.

“By letting him pick my meal I engaged him at a higher level than the rest of you did by making him more responsible for the outcome of my experience.” I intentionally used words like engagement and outcome because these managers eat words like that for breakfast and I wanted to trigger their attention.

I continued, “when he brings our food you’ll see him explain his choice for me and say he hopes I really enjoy it … and later when he comes back to check on how we are enjoying our meals he will pay special attention to me to be really sure that I’m enjoying my meal. And as for the price … the servers always pick something middle of the road in price … it’s as if they are afraid of being presumptuous that I am looking for either extreme. I’ve never had a waiter pick the most expensive item on the menu, but even if he did, I already know what that is and I’m prepared to pay for it.”

It was so much fun watching my meal-mates observe the waiter as he seemed to follow my prediction as if it were a script in a play that I had written. He delivered our plates one-by-one, and as he put mine in front of me, he lingered, with hand on my shoulder, and explained why he thought this was the right choice for me.”

My meal-mates were now really paying attention.

A handful of minutes later … after we had all had a few bites (and of course, mine was delicious) … he came back to check on our satisfaction. But it was too funny … he came ONLY TO ME … and with a hand on my shoulder again, he squatted down a bit and said, “so what do you think?” I assured him that it was the perfect choice for me. He left the table without asking anyone else, but while he was still within earshot, the director shouted across the restaurant to him, “mine is good too, thanks for asking!”

Our participants had begun their training … and my colleague and I got their full attention the next morning when we began the real workshop.

So what happened? Why did I get such good service? Why was my experience better than average? Why was it better than perhaps you normally get from your server when you dine out?

I engaged him by doing three things … three really important things. If every director, manager, supervisor, leader, parent, pastor, etc., knew to do these things, they would find it transformative. Here’s what I did with my server:

1. I gave him a job to do (bring my meal)
2. I made it personal  (I invited his personal opinion into my choice)
3. I gave him authority to make the final decision on his own.

This leads me to listing the 3 dimensions of a single Prime Directive for engagement:

Make sure that engagement efforts always include
PURPOSE          IDENTITY        EMPOWERMENT

Next week I’ll get into the principle behind this (the PIE principle), some details of how it works, and how engagement must be intrinsically driven. For now, please just let these three words hang in your mind: Purpose Identity Empowerment

One comment first; not every server has welcomed the freedom that I gave my server in the story above … some have been so trained to have either a compliance mindset or a scarcity mentality that they are simply too afraid to take that level of authority on themselves. You have employees, children, friends and family who suffer the same limitations … this takes more than a one-time opportunity to engage them … it takes special care and handling to help them un-train themselves to be free to fully-engage. We’ll look at this over and over again in this blog.

One New Disciple…
A couple months later I was delivering training on personal-engagement and energy-management in Saskatchewan. My host traveled with me for the week as we went from city to city for the tour. After seeing me do the “surprise me” thing with my waiter a couple of times during our restaurant times, the questions came. I explained my reasoning as I had done with the director in Toronto. He was fascinated.

A week after returning home to Halifax I got a cryptic text from my new Saskatchewan friend, “I just tried it. Amazing meal and experience. Middle of the road price. Thanks for the idea.” I showed the text to my wife, who went, “huh?” Of course, I knew what just happened. I texted back and asked for details. Turned out he was texting me during his meal … he and his family had gone out for supper (he owed them some time since he had been travelling with me for a week) and he did the “surprise me” maneuver with his server. Apparently, his kids said, “but what if you don’t like what they bring you Dad?”  And his wife followed with … wait for it … “what if they bring you the most expensive item on the menu, like surf ‘n turf?”  I just wish that all human behaviour was as predictable. But I have at least one new believer in Saskatchewan.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"