Welcome back Viphilus*
First, let’s close take care
of some unfinished business … the answers to last week’s question.
The story of ugly reaction
to change was the story about my Dad. He never adapted and it made the rest of
his life terrible. Despite what pithy bumper stickers might suggest, that which
doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger. It depends on what you do
(and don’t do) with it.
The story of bad reaction to
change was the story of me being re-assigned to an HR project. I eventually
adapted but not until I had ruined Christmas for my family … something that
didn’t need to happen. If I had been more adaptable or better able to manage
(contain) my emotional reaction there would have been virtually no collateral
damage. {the fact that it turned out very happily in the long run is moot …
because that was only known after-the-fact … I needed to manage my reactions before
I knew what the outcome might be}.
The story of the good reaction
to change was the one about my new laptop. Sure, it took me a couple weeks to
make up my mind to adapt, but there was no collateral damage and I self-corrected
on my own … without an attitudinal adjustment from my loving wife.
OK, so there are some
realities about truth that are incontrovertible. We can deny them and pretend
that they aren’t true, but then we just make life long and hard. Life is hard
enough when we know and face the truth … denial helps nothing. Accordingly I’d
like to set forth 5 truths … 5 principles about change that are enlightening
and can dramatically change the course of our life once we accept them.
Change Truth # 1 – Change is
inevitable – it WILL happen
Go ahead. Say it. DUH!
I didn’t say that these
truths would be earth-shatteringly new. Change is inevitable. We can trace an
appreciation of this back thousands of years. One of the clearest and most succinct
statements came from Heraclitus around 500 B.C. when he said, “The only thing
that remains unchanged is change.”
It is the nature of the
universe, and everything in it, to change … so an important skill to develop in
becoming mature is to expect change (this way, you can better prepare for it).
Change Truth # 2 – Response
to Change Is Personal
Since every person is
unique, their response to change (stress, in general) is also unique. It is
impossible to predict how specific changes will affect other people, except
what we know from Truth # 3. There are times when we are tempted to judge
someone else’s lack of adaptability regarding a specific issue, but here’s the
thing … that is wrong (or at least, inappropriate).
Things that bother me don’t
bother you … and vice versa. Chalk that up to different temperaments, different
life experiences, different cultures and social customs, different … whatever. We
may be tempted to mock whiners with the declaration, “First world problems!”
when we hear them complain about the same thing that less privileged people might
celebrate. And we may be justified … but be cautious … you likely do the same
thing. The reality is that we each react to change differently so it’s quite
unedifying to even comment on someone else’s adaptive capacity … unless of
course they recognize they are being selfish or childish or foolish and are
asking for your help or perspective.
Change Truth # 3 – Response
to Change Is Always Emotional
“Change? I like change,” you
might say. Chances are that what you likely mean is that you like variety.
Change … at least the kind I’m talking about … is when something new is imposed
on you.
Under those conditions, your
response is always emotional. Always! You can’t help it. I’m not saying that
you explode in rage, break down in tears, halt in fear or become numb in shock.
I simply mean that your immediate reaction will be one that is emotional rather
than rational. The specifics of type and intensity of emotion depends on a host
of things … but the truth remains that it WILL BE EMOTIONAL.
Perhaps you believe that you
are a person who is self-aware and able to recognize your emotions as they are
happening in you. Great! The bad news is that that is true for only one in
three of you. Other social science data
tells us that only 1 out of 4 people are not controlled by their emotions (if
you are in a room with three other people and you know for a fact that one of
them is very well managed regarding their emotions … well then, chances are
likely that you and the other two people aren’t so well managed).
Why all this matters is that
logical or rational solutions for dealing with change cannot be addressed until
the emotional questions are first answered (“what’s in this for
me?” “how can I be certain that I will
be OK?” etc.) If you are trying to help another person (or
an organization) move through the transition of a real or imminent change, you
are simply wasting your efforts (and likely making things worse) if you proceed
first with logic and rational reasons. People need to be “settled down” first
to get that sense that things will be OK. Then, and only then, can the change
be dealt with effectively in a way that strengthens rather than weakens them.
Change Truth # 4 – Change Is
an External Event … Our Response Is an Internal Process
Change inside a person is not a simple flip of a switch. It is an
ongoing process that must be managed and monitored. This process is called
transition … and we need to spend just as much time reinforcing change as
implementing it.
I started out today to say that in my story about my career-shift, I
simply “flipped the little switch in my head.” What I didn’t explain was that
this switch was put in place with a lot of training … training to take a mental journey
proactively so that the result is seeing myself in a very positive place
regarding the change when the journey is over.
The graphic here gives an idealized outline of what a person experiences
(emotionally) when they go through change. It’s virtually the same “curve” that
you might have seen or referred to as the “grief cycle.” The reason that they
are the same is that change evokes in us the sensation that we are going to
lose something … and grief is the result
of loss. The loss doesn’t even have to be real before the body starts secreting
reactive hormones (adrenalin – cortisol … and other stress hormones). Typical emotions or conditions include:
- Denial quadrant – denial, shock, anger
- Resistance quadrant – anger, frustration, depression, ambivalence
- Exploration quadrant – skepticism, acceptance, importance, hope
- Commitment quadrant – understanding, enthusiasm, commitment
Change vs Transition
Change is inevitable and
necessary BUT Transition is optional (and also necessary).
Change is a shift in
external circumstances BUT Transition is an internal psychological
reorientation to acceptably expand the comfort zone to accept the new reality.
Change is focused on results
and outcomes BUT Transition is an inner experience that is
not focused on results.
Transition is usually what
people resist, not the change.
What we all have in common is that for every change, we go through a
transition.
We resist giving up our sense of who we are: our identity as it is expressed
in our current situation. We resist the chaos and uncertainty of the neutral
zone - the in-between state. We resist the risky business of a new beginning -
doing and being what we have never done and been before.
In order to effect change it is important to help people through the
transition.
The difference between us as individuals is the speed at which we go
through transition.
Change Truth # 5 – We Can
Control Transition – the Internal Process in Us
The difference between people who adapt well and those who don’t can be
explained by the difference between how they chose to take charge of the internal
process of transition. First let’s look at the technical elements of that
process that can be managed by recognizing that every successful change in an
individual or group can be seen as 5 distinct but linked steps … something I
learned in my formal training to be a change-management practitioner. It’s
called the ADKAR model:
Awareness – I know that I need to change
Desire – I want to change
Knowledge – I know how to change
Ability – I am skilled at making change a reality
Reinforcement – I can sustain the change
I want to conclude this week with a Prime Directive borne out of Truth # 5....
Next week I want to look at this prime directive in greater depth and discuss what we can intentionally do to bring us through change in order to thrive and not just survive.
PRIME DIRECTIVE
Control the change process within you - because you can
Next week I want to look at this prime directive in greater depth and discuss what we can intentionally do to bring us through change in order to thrive and not just survive.
I hope to see you back next
Monday.
Blessings Viphilus,
Your friend, Omega Man
* Viphilus means, "lover of life"
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