ELEPHANT TRAINING – Jungle Rituals: The Training Ring

Welcome back Viphilus*

Motivational speakers and preachers like using the story about how elephants are controlled. There are dozens of versions so I will just go with the one that I have heard.

In India, when a wild elephant is caught, they tie its leg to a stake in the ground with a very large chain. He walks around the stake, yanking on the chain, looking for a way to break free. Try as he might the elephant is unable to free himself. Pretty soon, the elephant “realizes” that his chain permits him to venture a limited distance from the stake. The trainers observe when he stops trying to venture beyond that point … beyond the radius of his chain … and they then begin replacing the chain with decreasingly thinner chain, then rope, until eventually, only a thin string is attached to his leg. By this point he is no longer wild; he has stopped fighting. Then they begin moving the stake to new locations, starting with the heavy chain again each time. The elephant returns to being wild so they go through the leash-reducing process each time. But interestingly, the process gets shorter and shorter each time. Eventually, they can move the stake to wherever they want and remove the string completely, but the elephant will never venture beyond the radius of the string, even though it is no longer there. He is chained-in-his-mind and responds to a limitation that no longer exists. Finally, as the story goes, he is no ready for work in a circus because the radius used to train the elephant is exactly the radius of typical circus rings.

The preachers and self-help gurus who use this story (or whatever version of it they heard) love it because it’s a great metaphor to show how we too permit limitations in our own minds. I have spent most of my adult life with this metaphor up my sleeve to pull out whenever I want to make the point about the power of mental chains and the importance of establishing new training rings.

BUT … I don’t know if this story is true. Even SNOPES.COM doesn’t provide me with a definitive answer. So until I find out … definitively … whether it is true, then I will stop using it as if it’s true. But I’ll continue using as I have done here because two things about it ARE TRUE.

1. It provides a simple mental picture of how the brain is trained.
2. Human brains ARE trained exactly this way, whether elephants brains are or not.

So, in our story, whether it be fact or urban myth, the elephant training ring is created by imposing a real limitation, with specific elements (the stake and leash), in order to create a new mental story about the elephant’s freedom. Last week we looked at the power that stories play in rewiring our brains. The way that we intentionally start framing those stories … the way we start hacking away at a brand new forest path with our feeble machete … is to create some important limitations on ourselves. And by “important” I mean limitations that will ultimately serve you in your greater mission or purpose.

This is done by instituting new rules and rituals for yourself, much the way that rules and rituals were established within you when you were a tot. The difference now though is that it is you, and not your parents, who are deciding what those rules and rituals will be. Let me give you two examples from my own life.

SLEEP

I struggled with insomnia for about 15-20 years. I had been a rotating shift-worker in Canada’s national weather service for 15 years and my circadian rhythm was completely whacked. In the mid 90s I made a shift to more day-work but the insomnia remained. By the time I reached the early 2000s it was bad and I think contributed, in part, to my eventual emotional breakdown. My work hours couldn’t be blamed any more. What could I do?

My “crash” provided the nitro to explode open the desire for a new neural pathway. I began reading everything I could about sleep disorders, tinkering with numerous changes to my normal life practices. Over a period of a few years I found that three in particular were key to regaining control of my sleep.

RULE – Stop eating in the evening and stop drinking after about 8pm – my body didn’t need the challenge of digestion and fluid-handling while I was trying to sleep.

RULE – Put myself to bed earlier – almost everything I read said that the hours of sleep before midnight provide the body with better recovery-sleep than the hours after midnight, so I just started sleeping-in on the front end of the night rather than at the end.

RITUALS – Learn to shut down the chatter in my head – this was the hardest but also the most important. I learned how to distract my mind and give it other sleep-friendly tasks, but mostly I just learned how to intentionally differ the chatter until the morning, giving myself permission to sleep first and then resume “worrying” when I got up (of course, when I woke up the stuff I worried about seemed less dire).

The first two were new rules that I imposed on myself … micromanaging myself, if you will. The third was new rituals … I gave myself specific sleep-friendly activities, such as reading or meditating. The funny thing though was that as time went on sleep came easier because of the two rules and I needed the rituals less and less. In the end, I was able to put myself to sleep on command, and wake within 5-10 minutes of when I chose to wake up, without an alarm clock. (note: I haven’t used an alarm in more than a decade)

THINKING

Prior to my crash my thinking was scattered and unfocused. I worried about everything and easily took offence … at almost everything. I was living an undisciplined life and was pretty much a pawn for anyone who had “something else” for me to do. As with sleep, the crash provided the motivational nitro to make changes in how I used my mind for more productive things that I chose to do rather than what everyone else in the world wanted me to do (or think). Here are some rules and rituals that I imposed on myself that turned that around.

RULE – This one happened automatically after my crash … no radio or CD in the car. Whenever I travelled alone I felt the need for silence so that I could ponder and reflect on how/why I had a breakdown. This went on for about 3 years until I re-emerged as a much stronger person. But it was at this point where intention took over. I discovered that I was now intentionally choosing to have silence because of the pure joy I found in being alone with my thoughts. Eventually I would decide before my car-time exactly what I would think about on the trip … choosing exactly what to ponder or problem-solve or concentrate on or … whatever. The point was that I was gaining control of what I was thinking about. Silence was golden. It would be 10 years before the radio or CD got turned back on again, but even now I would estimate that 80% of my car time is in silence so that I can think or pray.

RITUAL – Read Solomon’s Proverbs every day – 31 proverbs and 31 days in most months: coincidence? I don’t think so. For a couple of years I read one chapter of proverbs each morning … whatever the day of the month it was would be the same chapter in proverbs that I would read. This turned out to be a powerful regime of expectation-managing, reality-affirming wisdom. This ritual alone had an enormous impact of my thinking.

RULE – Don’t take offence – one of the gems of wisdom I picked up from my daily Solomon ingestion was in Proverbs 19:11 where he writes, “a person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offence.” I was plagued with negative thoughts stemming from unforgiveness and outright bitterness. This was killing me. I had read that harbouring bitterness was “like drinking poison in the hopes that it will kill your enemy.” That was a powerful insight … an epiphany for me. As a Christian I had learned of the importance of forgiveness, although I guess I sucked at it. However, if I learned to not take offence in the first place then there would be nothing for which I would need to extend forgiveness. This made perfect sense to me, so I employed this rule into my life. This has been one off the most transformative things for me. But look at the process. My burnout or breakdown was the nitro that blasted open a new path for me as I could no longer keep harbouring resentment or bitterness. The quote about poison along with Prov.19:11 were like dynamite that widened that new neural path. And the new rule of choosing to not take offence is the machete and personal work that I do to ensure that the new pathway becomes permanent while the old jungle path of taking offence grows over through lack of use.

ADDITIONAL (SHARPER) MACHETES

Let me finish by demonstrating how we refine the work we have already done. I’ll stick with the “take no offence” rule. Sometimes in weak moments that old path was still too easy to take … and I could feel offence rising within me. What could I do? Well, I learned additional rules and rituals … other paths to open up to help steer me away from the instant hair-trigger response of being offended. These are purely driven by choice and make me stronger as an individual.

Maybe they are right?  I’ve learned to ask myself in situations, “Is the person’s actions justified towards me? Are their actions a valid indictment of my words or behaviour? Is there something that I can learn from this situation? Is this simply a situation where I need to understand that they are lashing out in their own weakness so I need to pray for that person or learn to be more patient with people in general?”  These and a hundred other questions now come to me much more easily in moments when I am tempted to take offence. They help by putting a road bump in front of myself to slow me down as I soberly assess what is happening. In countless situations it has led to deeper insights about myself and the work that I still need to do, or it has led to powerful conversations where a relationship gets stronger. (10 years ago this dramatically improved the relationship I have with my wife).

You can create your own elephant training ring … your own rules and limitations that guide you intentionally towards who you want to be. As a Christian I don’t believe that we can do this work completely on our own … God’s power is necessary to do this perfectly. But I also know, from experience, that HE isn’t going to do all the work for you. You still have to pick up your own machete. You still have to decide to stop letting everyone and everything else be your excuse for mediocrity or failure. Once you do, whether by choice, by dynamite or by nitro, creating new and easier paths for your elephant isn’t easy, but it is very very doable with consistency and persistence.

Happy training.

Next month we will look at the action-attitudes necessary for character transformation.

I hope to see you back next Monday.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

ELEPHANT TRAINING – Jungle Stories: Old and New

Welcome back Viphilus*

Last week I wrote about how we can create new neural pathways in our brain with the ultimate goal of making it easier to be self-controlled to be self-disciplined. In other words, the beginning of the process to start nudging our elephant in a new and better direction. I likened the neural pathways to jungle paths and pointed out that new ones need to be opened and cleared before any progress in a new direction can be made. I also suggested three mechanisms for opening new paths:

1. Machetes – these are the little routines or rituals that we establish … actions that begin telling our brain to start (intentionally) establishing new wiring … actions that don’t freak out the elephant but begin nudging him in a new direction.
2. Dynamite – this is like epiphanies that stop us in our tracks as we realize some new profound truth about ourselves or the world … a truth that furnishes our elephant with the reasons for wanting to go in a new direction.
3. Nitro – this is a Significant Emotional Event (S.E.E.) that literally stops us from continuing down a particular dead-end path and literally opens up a new path for us.

The root that all three have in common is that a new pathway is started because a new story has formed, or is forming in our heads, and the footsteps that we begin taking down the newly forming paths are the steps we are taking to turn the story from fantasy to reality. Before going any further I would like to recommend Jim Loehr’s book, “The Power of Story.” Jim is a world expert on human performance and effectiveness and his book is quite an eye-opener about the role that stories play in the wiring of our brains … stories that we tell ourselves intentionally or accidentally.

My point in this blog is to help you, the reader, learn how to stop living a life that is self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive. I have learned that the way to do this is to begin by rewriting the stories in my head … and ultimately, craft the overall story for my life. Most people in the world around me (the vast majority it appears as I look around and watch and listen) are living their life accidentally … reacting to whatever comes up in their day as they mechanically go through a life that has been carved out by … well … life itself. They don’t choose the course of their day, or their reactions to that day, and they have no idea how the next day will/could be better or worse. In many cases, they are following a storyline that was written by their abusive father, or over-protective mother, or bullies in their schoolyard, or humiliations, or a disappointment, or the death of a loved-one, or a betrayal, or a failed relationship, or …. well, you get the idea. In far too many cases, people’s “stories” are written for them and then they get stuck in the labyrinth of those stories with no idea how to find a way out … or even know that it is possible to exit the labyrinth and begin writing their own NEW stories. 

My wife Debbie is a professional accredited counsellor and she distinguishes the difference between counselling and coaching as follows; counselling helps to free people who are stuck in their past so that they can live more effectively in their present, whereas, coaching helps to free people from the roadblocks that they see in their present that are keeping them from venturing forth into their new future. Essentially, Deb teaches people how to recognize bad stories in their lives and then write the new ones that they want … regardless of whether those stories are in the past or present.

The jungle in our mind is a labyrinth of paths, old and new. One of the things that sets humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is that we have an awareness of our own thinking and we have the ability to choose how to think differently; if we don’t like the stories in our head (especially if they are holding us back) then we can simply rewrite the script, much the way a computer programmer rewrites new code when the old code spawns both predictable and unpredictable dysfunctional routines and bad results.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I have had a couple of life altering “nitro” events that helped me realize that my old stories weren’t working. Those events provided me with the reasons to choose a new path while making some old paths no longer thinkable. Since my emotional breakdown in 2001 (my last nitro-event), I have had countless “dynamite” events … epiphanies that came more frequently because of the rapid learning brought on by the nitro-event. But I have come to realize that perhaps my most important learning through all of these things was the importance of picking up a machete to start intentionally hacking out the paths that I wanted to follow. The nitro and dynamite events opened up a new jungle path … but in most cases, that’s all they did … just open it up. If I wanted to continue down that path I needed to do the work, with intention and commitment. And I needed to do that work over and over and over and over … until the new path was wide open and well worn. This is Tenet # 4 of neuroplasticity that I mentioned last week … that all initial changes are temporary unless repetition is involved. As the old joke goes, “Q: How do I get to Carnegie Hall?  A: Practice! Practice! Practice!”  New rituals or routines are the machetes that carve out new paths in the jungle of our brains … but note where it begins: with the desire to pick up the machete and begin doing the hacking.

Where does that desire come from? It comes from the stories we tell ourselves. Those stories can be provided by others, or by life-altering events, or by epiphanies about how life works … or they can simply be authored, by choice. It’s this last one that gets my attention the most because it is about two amazing gifts that we have been blessed with: the gifts of choice and process. We can choose the direction and even many of the details of our lives … and we have been given the mental tools (the process of rewiring our own brains) to get it done. Both are intimately linked to the stories we tell ourselves.

If the stories running through your head are ones about fear, or bitterness, or anger, or loneliness, or despair, or failure … they will keep you stuck on jungle paths that go nowhere. And the full network of these paths create a labyrinth that has nasty and dangerous creatures waiting to devour you. The good news is that you are a human being and don’t have to live with those stories. You have been created to be like your Creator: a masterful story-teller and a masterful story-writer. Your Creator gave you this skill so that you can live with intention and not by accident. Animals live by instinct … that’s why the jungle is the jungle. Humans are able to live by intention, not simply animal instinct. You will find, if you haven’t already, that when you feed your mind with better stories, you will emerge from the labyrinth jungle where you’ve been trapped, and come into a place that’s much more civilized … more fulfilling. Writing these stories is very hard if you live by accident. However, it all becomes a whole lot easier if you live by intention ... by PURPOSE. I've asked this before but I'll ask it again:

"Do you do what you do because you have a reason to, or do you do what you do because you don't see a better reason not to?"

Next week we close out the month by learning how easy it actually is to train our elephant as we begin writing a new story together.

I hope to see you back next Monday.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

ELEPHANT TRAINING - Jungle paths: machetes, dynamite and nitro

Welcome back Viphilus*

This post is going to see a bit didactic (and for some, too pedantic), but hang in there because this might provide incredible insight into why you are stuck in self-limiting habits … and provide a “path” forward. If you are not at all interested in the nerdy stuff, just skip the “Brainy Bits” section and jump down to “Back to the Jungle.”

Brainy Bits

It’s important to understand a bit about how our brains are wired … and more importantly, how we can rewire our own brains. When I speak about the rider and elephant you now understand that I am speaking about the conscious and non-conscious minds. We use our conscious minds (the 5% solution I spoke about last time) to access and train the unconscious mind (that overwhelming 95% that basically makes all our decisions for us).

Our brains are a network of billions of connections … neural (meaning, “nerve”) connections and our life experiences create and maintain new connections all the time. 20^th century brain science has taught that our brains are not at all what we once thought … unchangeable after childhood. The field of neuroplasticity has helped us understand that new neural pathways in our brain can be formed throughout our lives, not only by bodily injury (where the brain rewires itself to regain a lost function), but also by simply changing our behaviour, environment, thinking and emotions. When I first learned about this, I, along with everyone who heard about it, were blown away. About 7-8 years there was an excellent PBS special on brain plasticity, narrated by actor Peter Coyote, where they presented the 7 tenets (beliefs) of neuroplasticity. No doubt some of this thinking has been updated, but I was fascinated by what science had learned and how it supported both recent and ancient beliefs and practices. Here is what was presented:

Tenet # 1 – Change can occur only when the brain is in the mood – being alert and on the ball is key 

[comment – this supports the teachings on intentionality]

Tenet # 2 – Change strengthens connections between neurons which are engaged at the same time 

[comment – the more new things we continually do, the more our brain will build new and lasting connections. This is especially true if we use different parts of our brain simultaneously.]

Tenet # 3 – Neurons that fire together wire together 

[comment – things are learned more easily when learned in conjunction with something else. This links the different “learnings” like life-partners (which is why it is sometimes hard to remember the lyrics to a song without singing the music) for easy retrieval.]

Tenet # 4 – Initial changes are just temporary 

[comment – repetition is vital to forging permanent paths – virtually all ancient religions teach about the importance of repetition in reprogramming the mind ]

Tenet # 5 – Brain plasticity is a 2-way street and we can drive it either positively or negatively 

[comment – our ability to reprogram our mind is a human trait that makes us both weak or strong … I see this concept clearly identified in the New Testament in James 1:14 and Rom.12:2]

Tenet # 6 – Memory is crucial for learning 

[comment – learning (the processing of information into understanding) happens when the mind can continually work on what has been stored in it]

Tenet # 7 – Motivation is a key factor in brain plasticity 

[comment - in order to grow new neural pathways (and change the way you act and think), you have to WANT to do it]

CONCLUSION: So, in a nutshell, you have the ability to rewire your own brain (not just reprogram the software, but literally change the hardware: the wiring) by wanting to do it, by being intentional about doing it and by putting in the slow work of repeatedly working at the same things over and over. All of this brings to mind Aristotle’s famous quote: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not just an act, but a habit.”

Rewiring our brain for the purpose of serving our personal missions in life is about retraining our elephants with new habits and changing the way they think and move … that’s how apparently disciplined people use their 5% (see last week's post to understand this comment)

Back to the Jungle

With that science under our belts here are 3 key ways (no doubt there are others) that our brains change more than just our thinking … these literally change the physical structure of our brains and create new neural pathways so that the elephant pays much more attention to the rider. In essence, these are about creating new pathways in the jungle of our minds.

1. Machetes - even if you have never forged your own path through the forest or jungle, you've likely seen someone do it in a movie. You can try and push through the foliage and blocking trees on your own, but it is somewhere between daunting to impossible.

Borrowed without permission from
http://www.marriedwithluggage.com/high-andean-jungle-adventure/

In the first image, posted on a blog by Warren in 2010, we see an Andean jungle guide with a machete. Now passage becomes possible, albeit through a tremendous amount of work hacking a chopping everything that blocks the path. Would you agree that unless you had a strong desire to do the work of chopping through that jungle in that particular spot, you might look for another easier path or else simply give up trying?

Forging new neural pathways is similar. Except instead of a machete your tool of choice is the rituals that you institute that will actually create the new nerve linkages as your brain realizes that you have a desire to do a particular thing. And if the brain gets the sense that you are going to do this more and more then it will create a lot of linkages. But you really have to want it because creating a new habit is like this jungle picture ... the brain (the elephant) freaks at the work involved, especially when a wide-open path is already available (usually, the bad habit or self-defeating thinking that you want to break).

Borrowed without permission from
http://mauiguidebook.com/adventures/twin-falls-tips/

In the second image, we see a nicely cleared path through the Maui jungle. Our old habits (good or bad) are nicely cleared neural pathways that our brain defaults to taking. Habits that have been around since childhood are basically like super highways. It takes desire and intentionality to choose to create a new path when an easily accessible path is right there.

Example: you get disappointed because some aspect of life hasn't worked out exactly the way you hoped.  The super highway that you created as a kid (that was not "trained" out of you by your parents) has you instantly throwing a tantrum because you didn't get your own way. But you don't want to be that way anymore, yet choosing to remain calm and learning to be patient (or pondering the circumstance and choosing to think about all the potentially positive benefits that may not be available) is like the forest in that first picture. You want to go through that area but you don't even know where to start ... and even if you have a machete, you are convinced that the one you have isn't nearly big enough for the job.

The truth is that your little machete will do the trick because as you start cutting away the brush and undergrowth, you are going to uncover bigger and sharper machetes (almost like discovering new and more powerful weapons in a computer adventure game). The little tiny rituals that you begin with will start creating a tiny path ... which will get wider and easier to journey on as your brain gets more and more used to creating the path. Eventually, the new path (the new habit) will become the more easily passable spot to move through the jungle while the older path (old habit) will start to grow over from lack of use ... like in the third picture.

How will you know when you are becoming disciplined? When the new habits become easy to follow ... and when it becomes easier to forge brand new paths. I love the following quote from Charles Reader:

Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit;
Sow a habit, reap a character;
Sow a character, reap a destiny.

There is one thing that all of this hinges on ... that you actually WANT to make the changes you think you want to make. I have coached many people who felt that their problem was that they didn't know how to become disciplined. It was almost never the problem because learning to become disciplined is actually a very objective process that requires very little thought. Their problem was almost always that they simply didn't want the new habit (or whatever) badly enough. Their elephant was clinically indolent (they were lazy and wanted to avoid pain at all costs).

How do I help those kind of people? Actually, I can't. They need to have a personal episode with dynamite or nitro.

2. Dynamite - Sometimes a person can have an epiphany about their life and come to the realization that the pain or effort to change their situation (and live in a new way) pales in comparison to the pain or effort to remain in their current situation (and keep living the same way). Such epiphanies are usually the result of a significant conversation or event that evokes a very strong emotional reaction in a person. For whatever reason, the conversation or circumstance provides an instant and compelling reason for why the change is more than just a good idea ... it is unthinkable to NOT make the change.

In our jungle analogy, this is like a stick of dynamite exploding open the beginning of the new path you want, making the first machete swings much easier because some of that hard early work has already been done. As well, the dynamite might also bring down a small avalanche of rocks that block the opening to the old well-worn path, making it emotionally hard to actually take that old path.

It is very hard to intentionally orchestrate the dynamite scenario for yourself, although some have suggested some possible thought processes that might do the trick. For example, if you need to get yourself in better physical condition so that you won't have a heart-attack, rather than waiting for a doctor to tell you those words ... and certainly better than waiting to actually have a heart-attack to get your attention ... you could choose to imagine that you have already had the heart attack, and then live accordingly. Stephen Covey is a fan of this type of personal behaviour modification and I think it has some merits. The challenge is that you really need to want the change badly enough that you are proactively choosing this kind of thinking ... in which case it is really just another kind of machete to help forge your new path. If you simply lack the desire then it will take an external event or person to intervene in your life to furnish your WHY.

3. Nitro - Finally, there are the nitro events, sometimes referred to by psychologists as a S.E.E. (a Significant Emotional Event). These are life-changing things that happen to us that forever change our perspective or paradigm about life or some part of it. These are exclusively the really really bad things that can happen to us, always categorized by the loss of something (loss of family member to death - loss of spouse to infidelity or personal dysfunction - loss of job - extreme illness - loss of faith - loss of relationships for numerous reasons - dramatic realization of an incorrect life paradigm - etc.)

These are the events that have the greatest potential to shape and change us, from the inside out. These simply cannot be manufactured. In fact, the whole point with these events is that a person is overwhelmed by complete loss of control and personal loss. It is with these type of events that the expression was born, "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But that expression is simply not true for many people. My father is a prime example; he had an extreme emotional breakdown when the nature of his workplace changed ... and he ended out his life clinically insane because he was incapable of coping with the new reality. That event certainly didn't make him stronger. In fact, the two extreme reactions to these type of events are that they can make people better or they can make people bitter. The quote describes only the first type of person ... and that's the person we should aspire to be. But far too many people are the second type, bitter because of life's circumstances.

In our jungle analogy ... and for the type of person who gets "better" rather than "bitter," a nitro event brings down such an enormous avalanche of boulders across the old neural pathway that the brain is repulsed at the idea of ever taking that path again*.

* - the sad fact though is that the old pathway, even though it grows back in from lack of use, is always still there ... and the boulders crumble with time making entry possible. One quick trip down that path for old-time's sake seems to open it right back up (which is why the alcoholic who has been dry for 25 years knows that he can't take even one drink ... because it will become easy once again to take that path).

You've heard the expression that life is a jungle ... well, most of the jungle is in our own head and it is my hope that you will come to believe that the skill of hacking out new and lasting pathways that take you to "good places" is at your fingertips.

I hope to see you back next Monday.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

ELEPHANT TRAINING - The Ugly Truth about Your Auto-elephant

July 6, 2015 – HOW TO TRAIN YOUR ELEPHANT: First, the Ugly Truth about Your Autopilot

Welcome back Viphilus*

I hope you enjoyed having a week off … I know I did because June turned into a very busy month. “Why?” you ask. Because my son got engaged on June 15 … meaning that both of my children got engaged within 6 weeks of each other. It appears that 2016 may be the year of the wedding for our family.

About my son. Christian has been dating Ashley for 9 years and he has always had it in mind that he didn’t want to propose marriage until he had a healthy career underway so that he could support a family. Last October he decided that now was the time so he began looking for an engagement ring. During his search he became very frustrated because he was not able to secure the type of financing that he wanted for the ring he had in mind. His pursuit took him through the winter and right up to the middle of May with still no open doors for the specific financing he was looking for. This was a huge problem because part of his elaborate plan for the proposal was to do it on June 15 … their 9^th anniversary (since their first date). He found himself between the proverbial rock and hard place. Christian is a website designer by occupation … that’s an important fact for what came next.

Being financially stonewalled at every turn, he began looking at the websites of jewelry stores in the Halifax area in the hopes of finding some that looked in need of upgrades or improvement. He found a half-dozen or so and wrote to them, suggesting that he could provide them with a state-of-the-art website, to their specs, in exchange for an engagement ring. Some of the responses that he got back were quite rude. One respondent told him that he was extremely unprofessional and they would never simply give away one of their precious pieces of jewelry for a mere web page (which probably explains why their web page sucks). He remained undaunted. He finally received a positive response from a store owner who wanted to meet him to discuss it. Long story short … they’ve been daunted in their own search of a web designer who could do what they needed for less than the $12k they had been quoted (that was the cheapest quote) and were thrilled to custom-make a ring for Christian to his specs, in exchange for a website. The jeweler is very happy. Christian is very happy. Ashley (now my son’s fiancée, no longer just “the girlfriend”) is very happy … especially because they have twice the ring she would have had, but with no loan to pay off.

And I was VERY happy for another reason … one being that my son demonstrated one aspect of something I want to highlight this week … so I’ll come back to him shortly.

I have written quite a bit about the elephant … the subconscious part of us that is ruled by pleasure seeking and pain avoiding … but also the part of us that governs a big part of our will. “How big?” you might ask. Good question, so let’s see what the experts say. But first, let me actually ask a different question which will really help us get at the raw truth about ourselves. What percentage of a person’s behaviour is conscious and self-regulating?  Or the opposite: what percentage of a person’s behaviour is non-conscious, habitual and automatic?  Remember, the rider is the conscious part and the elephant is the subconscious (or arguably, non-conscious)?  Be prepared to be shocked if you didn’t already know this.

You might be asking what this means. Well, what it means is that 95% of your actions and behaviour do not require an act of intervention by your conscious mind. 95% of your actions don’t require a decision to be made. You just do things and behave on some auto-pilot routine that’s running in your head. That's your elephant! I like to call him your auto-elephant because he really doesn't think things through ... he simply reacts.

I know … you can’t believe it either, right? This just doesn’t make sense. I “know” that I am making decisions all day long and choosing how to behave and what to do. But if you actually take time to really observe yourself and watch/listen to everything you do/say, you will be shocked to discover that this is true. Now this is where a paradox becomes evident. We are told our whole life, “pay attention,” or “be alert,” or “be self-controlled.”  From the data we just saw, apparently we only have 5% of our brain available to our conscious mind … only 5% is at our disposal to be as attentive, alert and controlled as we need to be.

You’re probably saying now, “but wait a second … I know lots of people who are incredibly well-managed or self-controlled … and a lot of people who aren’t.” So obviously everyone’s percentages aren’t the same … that 5% / 95% thing must just be an average for all people. And you would be right …. it is an average for all human beings. So think of all the highly disciplined people that you know … and now think of all the very undisciplined people that you know. Think of them as two groups … those with great discipline and those with virtually no discipline (the high achievers vs. the couch potatoes). Now take a guess at what the above percentages look like for each of those groups. Give some thought before you read on. If the 5% / 95% is an average for all humans, then do the high achievers have numbers that are more like 10% / 90%?  Do the couch potatoes’ numbers look like 3% / 97%?

The answer is …. they are identical …. 5% and 95%! There is no difference in how much of their lives are on auto-pilot. Those who appear highly disciplined are intentional in everything they do … they establish a reason for doing what they do and they only do what makes sense according to the reasons that they have given themselves. Those reasons are called, “purpose.” High achievers/performers have declared one or more focal points (purposes) to which they direct their energy, including a substantial amount directed towards changing what their auto-routines look like (this part is huge and I will dig into this in an upcoming blog). They recognize their basic weaknesses, especially towards their natural inclinations to be lazy and indolent and they expend a substantial part of their 5% on establishing rituals / routines that draw them away from those self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.

Back to my son for a minute. His determination to not let any obstacles deter him from achieving his goal of acquiring an engagement ring is an important life skill. A really really important life skill. He is a “hammer.” (see June 15 blog)  In the last few years I have watched him (with delight) develop this character quality and it is beginning to separate him from the myriad of “nails” who never accomplish their goals … or can’t even fulfill the simplest of their own intentions. The really big difference between hammers and nails is in how they each use their 5%.

Clearly, the 95% greatly overshadows the 5%. Therefore, the rider/elephant analogy makes sense in light of these numbers; one is huge and the other is tiny. And for people who are self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive, they are victims to these numbers because their elephant is the hammer and their rider is the nail. 

YET ... we know that riders can control elephants. They can tame them and get them to do some very heavy lifting. It takes training ... first of the rider (to teach him how to train his elephant) ... then of the elephant (to put to work the training). When a plaintiff appears on Dr. Phil and says that they are going crazy because they have a dog problem or a child problem, Dr. Phil listens for a while before rendering the same verdict; "You don't have a dog problem ... your dog has an owner problem," or, "You don't have a child problem ... your child has a parent problem." And we know he's right because owners can have incredibly well-trained/behaved dogs ... and parents can have incredibly well-trained/behaved children. It's all about training.

Reframing the problem 

So your rider doesn't have an elephant problem ... your elephant has a rider problem.

You don't have a 95% problem ... you have a 5% solution.

You don't have a subconscious/non-conscious mind problem ... your problem lies completely in what you are doing (and not doing) with your conscious mind. And since you only have 5% to work with, you really can't afford to squander any of it. Effective people invest some of that 5% into learning how to train their elephant ... and then training him. Our conscious acts of determination, self-control and “will power,” can be strategically chosen to harness the power of the other 95% of our mind. We all know that change is hard so we need to give ourselves every possible advantage. The rider needs to “think and speak elephant,” convincing him what’s in it for him (June 22 post), and then mapping out the easiest possible path for the “beast,” holding his hand through the first few changes.

My Model

Who do I look to as the greatest "elephant trainer?"  Jesus. He was the guy who said that, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." He understood the 5/95 problem very well. But He made that statement, not to provide an excuse, but to show why vigilance in focussing the 5% was so important.  

The book of Hebrews makes two claims about Him that really drives this point home ... 2:17 and 4:15. These verses tell us two key things about Jesus: 1) He was no different from the rest of us in that he had the same weakness towards self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive behaviour; and because He had the same potential points of failure He was able to "empathize with our weakness"; 2) He never fell victim to His weakness. He made perfect use of His 5% ... He completely trained His elephant. Jesus was the complete hammer.

Whatever you do … do it with full attention: all 5% of it.

I hope to see you back next Monday as we start the actual training of the elephant ... with machetes and dynamite.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"