Welcome back Viphilus*
Last week I wrote about how
we can create new neural pathways in our brain with the ultimate goal of making
it easier to be self-controlled to be self-disciplined. In other words, the
beginning of the process to start nudging our elephant in a new and better
direction. I likened the neural pathways to jungle paths and pointed out that new
ones need to be opened and cleared before any progress in a new direction can be
made. I also suggested three mechanisms for opening new paths:
- Machetes – these are the little routines or rituals that we establish … actions that begin telling our brain to start (intentionally) establishing new wiring … actions that don’t freak out the elephant but begin nudging him in a new direction.
- Dynamite – this is like epiphanies that stop us in our tracks as we realize some new profound truth about ourselves or the world … a truth that furnishes our elephant with the reasons for wanting to go in a new direction.
- Nitro – this is a Significant Emotional Event (S.E.E.) that literally stops us from continuing down a particular dead-end path and literally opens up a new path for us.
The root that all three have
in common is that a new pathway is started because a new story has formed, or
is forming in our heads, and the footsteps that we begin taking down the newly
forming paths are the steps we are taking to turn the story from fantasy to
reality. Before going any further I would like to recommend Jim Loehr’s book, “The Power of Story.” Jim
is a world expert on human performance and effectiveness and his book is quite
an eye-opener about the role that stories play in the wiring of our brains … stories
that we tell ourselves intentionally or accidentally.
My point in this blog is to
help you, the reader, learn how to stop living a life that is self-limiting,
self-defeating and self-destructive. I have learned that the way to do this is
to begin by rewriting the stories in my head … and ultimately, craft the
overall story for my life. Most people in the world around me (the vast
majority it appears as I look around and watch and listen) are living their
life accidentally … reacting to whatever comes up in their day as they
mechanically go through a life that has been carved out by … well … life
itself. They don’t choose the course of their day, or their reactions to that
day, and they have no idea how the next day will/could be better or worse. In
many cases, they are following a storyline that was written by their abusive
father, or over-protective mother, or bullies in their schoolyard, or humiliations,
or a disappointment, or the death of a loved-one, or a betrayal, or a failed
relationship, or …. well, you get the idea. In far too many cases, people’s
“stories” are written for them and then they get stuck in the labyrinth of
those stories with no idea how to find a way out … or even know that it is
possible to exit the labyrinth and begin writing their own NEW stories.
My wife
Debbie is a professional accredited counsellor and she distinguishes the difference
between counselling and coaching as follows; counselling helps to free people
who are stuck in their past so that they can live more effectively in their
present, whereas, coaching helps to free people from the roadblocks that they
see in their present that are keeping them from venturing forth into their new
future. Essentially, Deb teaches people how to recognize bad stories in their
lives and then write the new ones that they want … regardless of whether those
stories are in the past or present.
The jungle in our mind is a
labyrinth of paths, old and new. One of the things that sets humans apart from
the rest of the animal kingdom is that we have an awareness of our own thinking
and we have the ability to choose how to think differently; if we don’t like
the stories in our head (especially if they are holding us back) then we can
simply rewrite the script, much the way a computer programmer rewrites new code
when the old code spawns both predictable and unpredictable dysfunctional
routines and bad results.
As I’ve mentioned in earlier
posts, I have had a couple of life altering “nitro” events that helped me
realize that my old stories weren’t working. Those events provided me with the
reasons to choose a new path while making some old paths no longer thinkable.
Since my emotional breakdown in 2001 (my last nitro-event), I have had
countless “dynamite” events … epiphanies that came more frequently because of
the rapid learning brought on by the nitro-event. But I have come to realize
that perhaps my most important learning through all of these things was the
importance of picking up a machete to start intentionally hacking out the paths
that I wanted to follow. The nitro and dynamite events opened up a new jungle
path … but in most cases, that’s all they did … just open it up. If I wanted to
continue down that path I needed to do the work, with intention and commitment.
And I needed to do that work over and over and over and over … until the new
path was wide open and well worn. This is Tenet # 4 of neuroplasticity that I
mentioned last week … that all initial changes are temporary unless repetition
is involved. As the old joke goes, “Q: How do I get to Carnegie Hall? A: Practice! Practice! Practice!” New rituals or routines are the machetes that
carve out new paths in the jungle of our brains … but note where it begins:
with the desire to pick up the machete and begin doing the hacking.
Where does that desire come
from? It comes from the stories we tell ourselves. Those stories can be
provided by others, or by life-altering events, or by epiphanies about how life
works … or they can simply be authored, by choice. It’s this last one that gets
my attention the most because it is about two amazing gifts that we have been
blessed with: the gifts of choice and
process. We can choose the direction
and even many of the details of our lives … and we have been given the mental
tools (the process of rewiring our own brains) to get it done. Both are intimately
linked to the stories we tell ourselves.
If the stories running
through your head are ones about fear, or bitterness, or anger, or loneliness,
or despair, or failure … they will keep you stuck on jungle paths that go
nowhere. And the full network of these paths create a labyrinth that has nasty
and dangerous creatures waiting to devour you. The good news is that you are a
human being and don’t have to live with those stories. You have been created to
be like your Creator: a masterful story-teller and a masterful story-writer.
Your Creator gave you this skill so that you can live with intention and not by
accident. Animals live by instinct … that’s why the jungle is the jungle.
Humans are able to live by intention, not simply animal instinct. You will
find, if you haven’t already, that when you feed your mind with better stories,
you will emerge from the labyrinth jungle where you’ve been trapped, and come
into a place that’s much more civilized … more fulfilling. Writing these stories is very hard if you live by accident. However, it all becomes a whole lot easier if you live by intention ... by PURPOSE. I've asked this before but I'll ask it again:
"Do you do what you do because you have a reason to, or do you do what you do because you don't see a better reason not to?"
Next week we close out the
month by learning how easy it actually is to train our elephant as we begin writing
a new story together.
I hope to see you back next
Monday.
Blessings Viphilus,
Your friend, Omega Man
* Viphilus means, "lover of life"
No comments:
Post a Comment