Welcome back Viphilus*
This post is going to see a
bit didactic (and for some, too pedantic), but hang in there because this might provide incredible insight
into why you are stuck in self-limiting habits … and provide a “path” forward.
If you are not at all interested in the nerdy stuff, just skip the “Brainy
Bits” section and jump down to “Back to the Jungle.”
Brainy Bits
It’s important to understand
a bit about how our brains are wired … and more importantly, how we can rewire
our own brains. When I speak about the rider and elephant you now understand
that I am speaking about the conscious and non-conscious minds. We use our
conscious minds (the 5% solution I spoke about last time) to access and train the
unconscious mind (that overwhelming 95% that basically makes all our decisions
for us).
Our brains are a network of
billions of connections … neural (meaning, “nerve”) connections and our life
experiences create and maintain new connections all the time. 20th
century brain science has taught that our brains are not at all what we once
thought … unchangeable after childhood. The field of neuroplasticity has helped us understand that new neural pathways in our brain can be formed throughout our lives, not only by bodily injury (where the brain rewires itself to regain a lost function),
but also by simply changing our behaviour, environment, thinking and emotions.
When I first learned about this, I, along with everyone who heard about it,
were blown away. About 7-8 years there was an excellent PBS special on brain
plasticity, narrated by actor Peter Coyote, where they
presented the 7 tenets (beliefs) of neuroplasticity. No doubt some of this
thinking has been updated, but I was fascinated by what science had learned and
how it supported both recent and ancient beliefs and practices. Here is what was presented:
Tenet # 1
– Change can occur only when the brain is in the mood – being alert and on the
ball is key
[comment – this supports the
teachings on intentionality]
Tenet # 2
– Change strengthens connections between neurons which are engaged at the same
time
[comment – the more new things we
continually do, the more our brain will build new and lasting connections. This
is especially true if we use different parts of our brain simultaneously.]
Tenet # 3
– Neurons that fire together wire together
[comment
– things are learned more easily when learned in conjunction with something else.
This links the different “learnings” like life-partners (which is why it is sometimes hard to remember the lyrics to a song without singing the music) for easy retrieval.]
Tenet # 4
– Initial changes are just temporary
[comment
– repetition is vital to forging permanent paths – virtually all ancient
religions teach about the importance of repetition in reprogramming the mind ]
Tenet # 5
– Brain plasticity is a 2-way street and we can drive it either positively or
negatively
[comment – our ability to
reprogram our mind is a human trait that makes us both weak or strong … I see
this concept clearly identified in the New Testament in James 1:14 and
Rom.12:2]
Tenet # 6
– Memory is crucial for learning
[comment
– learning (the processing of information into understanding) happens when the
mind can continually work on what has been stored in it]
Tenet # 7
– Motivation is a key factor in brain plasticity
[comment - in order to grow new neural pathways (and change the way you
act and think), you have to WANT to do it]
CONCLUSION:
So, in a nutshell, you have the ability to rewire your own brain (not just
reprogram the software, but literally change the hardware: the wiring) by
wanting to do it, by being intentional about doing it and by putting in the
slow work of repeatedly working at the same things over and over. All of this
brings to mind Aristotle’s famous quote: “We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then is not just an act, but a habit.”
Rewiring our brain for the
purpose of serving our personal missions in life is about retraining our elephants
with new habits and changing the way they think and move … that’s how apparently disciplined people use their
5% (see last week's post to understand this comment)
Back to the Jungle
With that science under our
belts here are 3 key ways (no doubt there are others) that our brains change more than
just our thinking … these literally change the physical structure of our
brains and create new neural pathways so that the elephant pays much more
attention to the rider. In essence, these are about creating new pathways in the
jungle of our minds.
1. Machetes - even if you have never forged your own path through the forest or jungle, you've likely seen someone do it in a movie. You can try and push through the foliage and blocking trees on your own, but it is somewhere between daunting to impossible.
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| Borrowed without permission from http://www.marriedwithluggage.com/high-andean-jungle-adventure/ |
Forging new neural pathways is similar. Except instead of a machete your tool of choice is the rituals that you institute that will actually create the new nerve linkages as your brain realizes that you have a desire to do a particular thing. And if the brain gets the sense that you are going to do this more and more then it will create a lot of linkages. But you really have to want it because creating a new habit is like this jungle picture ... the brain (the elephant) freaks at the work involved, especially when a wide-open path is already available (usually, the bad habit or self-defeating thinking that you want to break).
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| Borrowed without permission from http://mauiguidebook.com/adventures/twin-falls-tips/ |
Example: you get disappointed because some aspect of life hasn't worked out exactly the way you hoped. The super highway that you created as a kid (that was not "trained" out of you by your parents) has you instantly throwing a tantrum because you didn't get your own way. But you don't want to be that way anymore, yet choosing to remain calm and learning to be patient (or pondering the circumstance and choosing to think about all the potentially positive benefits that may not be available) is like the forest in that first picture. You want to go through that area but you don't even know where to start ... and even if you have a machete, you are convinced that the one you have isn't nearly big enough for the job.
The truth is that your little machete will do the trick because as you start cutting away the brush and undergrowth, you are going to uncover bigger and sharper machetes (almost like discovering new and more powerful weapons in a computer adventure game). The little tiny rituals that you begin with will start creating a tiny path ... which will get wider and easier to journey on as your brain gets more and more used to creating the path. Eventually, the new path (the new habit) will become the more easily passable spot to move through the jungle while the older path (old habit) will start to grow over from lack of use ... like in the third picture.
How will you know when you are becoming disciplined? When the new habits become easy to follow ... and when it becomes easier to forge brand new paths. I love the following quote from Charles Reader:
Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit;
Sow a habit, reap a character;
Sow a character, reap a destiny.
There is one thing that all of this hinges on ... that you actually WANT to make the changes you think you want to make. I have coached many people who felt that their problem was that they didn't know how to become disciplined. It was almost never the problem because learning to become disciplined is actually a very objective process that requires very little thought. Their problem was almost always that they simply didn't want the new habit (or whatever) badly enough. Their elephant was clinically indolent (they were lazy and wanted to avoid pain at all costs).
How do I help those kind of people? Actually, I can't. They need to have a personal episode with dynamite or nitro.
2. Dynamite - Sometimes a person can have an epiphany about their life and come to the realization that the pain or effort to change their situation (and live in a new way) pales in comparison to the pain or effort to remain in their current situation (and keep living the same way). Such epiphanies are usually the result of a significant conversation or event that evokes a very strong emotional reaction in a person. For whatever reason, the conversation or circumstance provides an instant and compelling reason for why the change is more than just a good idea ... it is unthinkable to NOT make the change.
In our jungle analogy, this is like a stick of dynamite exploding open the beginning of the new path you want, making the first machete swings much easier because some of that hard early work has already been done. As well, the dynamite might also bring down a small avalanche of rocks that block the opening to the old well-worn path, making it emotionally hard to actually take that old path.
It is very hard to intentionally orchestrate the dynamite scenario for yourself, although some have suggested some possible thought processes that might do the trick. For example, if you need to get yourself in better physical condition so that you won't have a heart-attack, rather than waiting for a doctor to tell you those words ... and certainly better than waiting to actually have a heart-attack to get your attention ... you could choose to imagine that you have already had the heart attack, and then live accordingly. Stephen Covey is a fan of this type of personal behaviour modification and I think it has some merits. The challenge is that you really need to want the change badly enough that you are proactively choosing this kind of thinking ... in which case it is really just another kind of machete to help forge your new path. If you simply lack the desire then it will take an external event or person to intervene in your life to furnish your WHY.
3. Nitro - Finally, there are the nitro events, sometimes referred to by psychologists as a S.E.E. (a Significant Emotional Event). These are life-changing things that happen to us that forever change our perspective or paradigm about life or some part of it. These are exclusively the really really bad things that can happen to us, always categorized by the loss of something (loss of family member to death - loss of spouse to infidelity or personal dysfunction - loss of job - extreme illness - loss of faith - loss of relationships for numerous reasons - dramatic realization of an incorrect life paradigm - etc.)
These are the events that have the greatest potential to shape and change us, from the inside out. These simply cannot be manufactured. In fact, the whole point with these events is that a person is overwhelmed by complete loss of control and personal loss. It is with these type of events that the expression was born, "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But that expression is simply not true for many people. My father is a prime example; he had an extreme emotional breakdown when the nature of his workplace changed ... and he ended out his life clinically insane because he was incapable of coping with the new reality. That event certainly didn't make him stronger. In fact, the two extreme reactions to these type of events are that they can make people better or they can make people bitter. The quote describes only the first type of person ... and that's the person we should aspire to be. But far too many people are the second type, bitter because of life's circumstances.
In our jungle analogy ... and for the type of person who gets "better" rather than "bitter," a nitro event brings down such an enormous avalanche of boulders across the old neural pathway that the brain is repulsed at the idea of ever taking that path again*.
* - the sad fact though is that the old pathway, even though it grows back in from lack of use, is always still there ... and the boulders crumble with time making entry possible. One quick trip down that path for old-time's sake seems to open it right back up (which is why the alcoholic who has been dry for 25 years knows that he can't take even one drink ... because it will become easy once again to take that path).
You've heard the expression that life is a jungle ... well, most of the jungle is in our own head and it is my hope that you will come to believe that the skill of hacking out new and lasting pathways that take you to "good places" is at your fingertips.
I hope to see you back next
Monday.
Blessings Viphilus,
Your friend, Omega Man
* Viphilus means, "lover of life"
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