The PIE Principle – Let Them Eat PIE

Welcome back Viphilus*

This post will be short and sweet (pun intended).

I love pie. Any kind of pie: fruit - meat - vegetable - custard - sweet - savoury. I just love pie. My family figured out quickly that for my birthday I didn't want cake ... I wanted pie.

I always thought Marie Antoinette should have said, "Let them eat pie," instead of, "Let them eat cake." (I know I know .... that myth has been busted and historians agreed that she never actually said that ... I just wanted to tell you how much I love pie!)

If you wish to engage any human being, and you are in the role of leader, manager, supervisor, pastor, guardian, adviser, counsellor, mentor, parent (... you get the point ...) then please burn the following into your brain:

Let them eat PIE

Of course ... I'm talking about Purpose - Identity - Empowerment

If you are intentional ... really intentional ... and constantly have these words, and their implications at the front of your mind when leading, counselling, parenting, etc., you will have found magic keys to unlocking their engagement. The real magic though comes in your intentionality to keep this in front of you at all times. 

So far this month I've introduced PIE, given examples of PIE from my own life, including how to better engage your restaurant server, and led you through some questions about your own engagement. I want to simply end this month by looking at PIE from a very very practical perspective ... what NOT to do.

PURPOSE & EMPOWERMENT

The following statement is very reductionistic, but for the most part I think it's pretty accurate. There are two kinds of organizations: those that are mission-driven and those that are compliance-driven.

Mission-driven organizations have a prime directive of serving clients; they take their workers on an engagement adventure that excites and satisfies. Rules exist and and must be followed, but they are subordinate to the mission of serving clients. Workers in this kind of organization are clear on what they are supposed to do so they are always in forward mode. These organizations have the greatest chance of satisfying clients and almost guarantee being a great place to work.

Compliance-driven organizations have a prime directive of following of rules; they keep their workers from any/every adventure because adventures are accompanied by risk ... and a compliance mindset is risk averse (or even completely risk avoiding). Rules exist and must be followed, even at the risk (irony not lost on me) of disappointing clients. Workers in this kind of organization are clear on what they can't do and are usually in stop mode (or slow forward at best ... but usually only because a few adventurers forge the paths). These organizations have the least chance of satisfying clients and almost guarantee being a horrid place to work.

Purpose and empowerment overlap here because organizations that have a clear client-focus and mission-mindset also tend to empower their staff by default ... and get out of their way. Mission enlivens the soul; compliance sucks the life out of the soul. 

NEVER allow compliance to become more important than mission, unless your goal is disengagement.

CAUTION: If you are in an organization that has a grand client-serving mission but is also subject to excruciating bureaucracy ... such as in many government departments ... the tension between these two extremes can be, at times, impossible to navigate.

IDENTITY

There are so many angles to this one so I will pick just one for this post. If you are responsible to engage a number of different people then you need to understand that you are managing an emotional economy. Each person is different, coming with different skills, talents, experiences, temperaments and baggage. Knowing your people and their differences ... AND THEN DEPLOYING THEM ACCORDINGLY ... will be one of the most engaging things you can do for them.

Marcus Buckingham favours the following illustration to highlight this point: 

average managers play checkers with their people ... 

... great managers play chess with them! 

Remember that proverbial "square peg in a round hole?"  Well, STOP putting your square pegs in round holes ... it's disengaging to them.

Whenever you are able, where it makes good business sense to do it, deploy your people like chess pieces, not like checkers pieces. They aren't all the same and it's soul-crushing to be treated identically to everyone else when a person is able to make a unique contribution. It's also just plain dumb to use everyone the same way.

This will mean that everyone should NOT be treated exactly the same ... they shouldn't ALL get exactly the same opportunities (other than the opportunity to be allowed to work according to their skills and passions). 

Our politically correct practices of "equality" run the risk of being very dispiriting because it runs afoul of personal identity. Instead, since IDENTITY is one of the keys to engagement, let's practice "substantive equity," which celebrates uniqueness.

In other words ... always make your engagement efforts PERSONAL... always make the person in front of you feel like the organization's success somehow hinges completely on them ... even when you are explaining how it's all about the team.

I hope you come back in May when I'll be talking about prime movers.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

The PIE Principle – How Do You Like Your PIE?

Welcome back Viphilus*

Ever had anyone ever say to you, “it’s not personal”?  You knew when they said that they were ignorant of a truth that all of us know … that it’s always personal.

So I won’t mince words … let’s get personal.

How do you like your PIE?  Your own engagement level in life is dictated by how well you engage yourself in each of the three areas of purpose, identity and empowerment.

Many people today prefer to talk about passion, rather than engagement. They’ll ask, what is your passion?”  OR  “What are you passionate about?”   This is very important, but please understand that passion doesn’t get the whole job done when it comes to full engagement, let alone overcoming self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive thinking and behaviour. I’ll address passion in a future month because it really is important … but for now let’s just stick to Purpose Identity and Empowerment.

Let these questions guide a course of self-reflection. The more seriously you take these questions, the more often and more fully you’ll be able to achieve peak performance and experiences … and life will simply be better.

Purpose

1. Do you have a reason for everything you do?
2. How much of what you do is for no reason at all?
3. Jim Loehr (author of, The Power of Story) says that “human beings are mission-specific as a species.”  Do you understand what he means by that?
4. Intentionality is not about the plans that you have … it is about the plans that you execute. Purpose powers intentionality. Does this make sense to you?
5. How much of what you do is driven just by urgency? How much by the demands of someone else?
6. Do you have specific roles that you play (parent – child – brother – boss – etc.) and do you put intentional energy into them?
7. Do you embrace an assigned task/job and put 100% into it because you know how to make it your own mission?
8. Do you challenge yourself at doing every job better than your previous attempts?
9. Do you know how to turn something negative into a positive point-of-purpose for yourself?
10. If you are a faith-based person ... do you believe that God has something specific for you to do? Do you know what it is yet? Do you know what to do until you find out?

Identity

1. When people ask who you are do you immediately tell them about what you do rather than who you are?  Can you tell someone who you are without making reference to what you do?
2. Do you know what makes you special or unique?
3. Have you ever had a time when you felt that you added value to a team or group in a way that made the team/group better?
4. You have at least one “gift” or “talent” that you’ve had from birth. Do you know what it is?
5. You had unique experiences that have shaped you into who you are now … experiences that have made you better at relating to others in some way. Do you understand what they are?
6. What is at the centre of your identity? (in other words – what is your prime motivation in life … what do you think about the most)?
7. Do you love yourself, warts and all? Can you imagine others loving you unconditionally?
8. If you are a faith-based person … is your identity linked at all to your relationship to God?  If Yes, how?  If No, why not?
9. Do you understand that you are both the rider AND the elephant?

Empowerment

1. What is your autonomy temperament? Do you feel better when someone tells you what to do or when you are left alone to do things on your own?
2. Do you have the skills or tools to know how to better yourself? Do you even want to?
3. What do you do to cope with being over/under managed/controlled by another person?
4. Are you a hammer or a nail? Do you understand this metaphor?  How about the words, “victim” vs. “author”?
5. What is your adaptive capacity? (your resilience to change?)  Does change make you crazy? Do you resist change a lot or a little?
6. Do you often/always succumb to thought patterns that are not in your self-interest and just can’t change the way you think?
7. Are you easily offended? Do you find it hard/impossible to forgive?
8. Does your rider know how to train your elephant?  (ie: does your principled logical side know how to make it easier for your carnal side take the path that is not self-limiting, self-defeating and self-destructive)?
9. Do you blame your behaviour or thinking patterns on the people and experiences of your past? Do you believe that you can't overwrite the "scripts" already written in your head?

Wrestle with these questions Viphilus,

Bless you.

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

The PIE PRINCIPLE – my own data

Welcome back Viphilus*

Last week I told you about the “surprise me” maneuver . But were you surprised at how easy it appears to engage people? Are you a skeptic and say, “no way – it’s not that easy.” Maybe you are a manager who feels like you just can’t find the start button to getting your people moving. Maybe you are a parent of a child who’s inertial lethargy feels monumental. Maybe you simply believe that you don’t possess the necessary “soft skills” to motivate or influence people the way that you want (or more importantly, the way that they need).

{note: I detest the term “soft skills” because everyone knows they are the hardest ones to develop … BUT THEY CAN BE DEVELOPED}

About 10 years ago as I was doing extensive research on leadership and engagement (through reading and attending lectures, workshops and conferences), I noticed that despite the different language that the authors, teachers and speakers were using, everything they said about engagement could be boiled down into three independent (but linked) categories: Purpose; Identity; and Empowerment. In 2007 I began teaching about PIE openly at both my workplace and my church, as well as in individual coaching. Having no special training or credentials to call myself an expert, I left the door open (wide open actually) to have my theory modified. That’s why I was so thrilled to read Dan Pink’s book, “Drive: the surprising truth about what motivates us.”

Whether you have read the book or not, if you have not seen the 11-minute RSA-animate version of Dan’stalk … then OH MY … click the link right now and enjoy … but please come back.

The reason that I was thrilled was that I was NOT surprised about what Dan shared through his data and stories; I had come to similar conclusions through my own research and experiences. Make sure you get his book (highly recommended).

Dan’s three identified prime motivators are purpose, mastery and autonomy. My belief is that the last two of these are actually subsets of the broader categories identity and empowerment. Dan mentions empowerment in his book but mostly dismisses it because it is a highly misunderstood term that is being abused in workplaces everywhere. I agree with his assessment, but rather than bypass the word because it is not being used properly, I prefer to train out the dysfunction and learn to use the word in its fullest context.

Below is a graphic that I use in training on P.I.E. with each category being defined in its simplest manner.

Rather than using the word motivation as Mr. Pink does, I am choosing “engagement,” which I think provides a more holistic sense of the human condition. And as has been proven over and over again in studies (not to mention anecdotal evidence … such as what engages you yourself), motivation or engagement not only peaks when it is intrinsic, it is also more sustainable (extrinsic motivators come and go but you are always with yourself). J

Let me provide my own data on each of these.

PURPOSE

When we do things for a reason, this automatically raises our engagement. When that reason resides within us and is not simply provided by a command/request from someone else, this points us to the “start button.”  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says that “purpose is activation energy for living.” 

In 1996 my in-laws came with us to Florida for a 2-week theme-park extravanganza, along with my mother and two kids (aged 9 and 7). My Mom flew but the rest of us drove. My mother-in-law did exactly as we expected … she slept for 3-4 days in the car as we journeyed to gloryland.

Then we arrived, checked into our condo, and discussed the plans for the next day. I’m an early riser and was the first one up the next morning. Or so I thought. I was asked to wake up my in-laws at 7am … they were in an adjacent condo. I knocked and “Nanny” opened the door, fully-dressed, and saying, “I’m ready!” Say whaaaaaa?  She had already eaten too.  Say whaaaaaaaaaa? For the next hour she politely kept asking, “I’m ready … what are we waiting for?” It was like this for the entire two weeks.

A rainy day at Epcot ... Nanny is sitting in the wheelchair and chomping at the bit to get to the next attraction

What’s so special about this story? The fact that she was in her late 70s? Nope. It was the fact that she had required almost full-time care-giving by her husband for as long as I had known her and that she had been someone with clinical depression for decades, and had been in hospital for almost 6 months less than a year earlier. Neither my wife nor father-in-law had ever seen her so engaged – like ever.

Nanny had purpose! Purpose alone can be powerful.

The sideburns betrays the decade

IDENTITY

Mr. Pink’s “mastery” is one aspect which helps define our “identity.” When I was in high school I pursued math and sciences. But that’s not what I remember. What floods my mind with almost all of the memories are the hundreds (maybe thousands) of hours that my friend Wayne and I spent playing trombone together. I was a nerd, therefore, not at all aligned with the social crowd. But everyone knew I was the “trombone guy.” That reputation alone generated passion in me to get better and develop mastery. I actually got reasonably skilled at the instrument and it was completely intertwined with who I was. I never considered myself an artistic type but I can truly understand how artists find it almost impossible to separate themselves from their art/craft (and why criticism of their work is very personal). 

Mastery is only one dimension of identity but this example is enough to make my point … for now.

EMPOWERMENT

Similarly, Dan Pink’s “autonomy” is simply one aspect of “empowerment.” True empowerment is freedom to be able to do what you need to do, the ability to make decisions about how to do it, and the necessary resources/tools to enable execution. Back in 1995 I was given a wonderful opportunity at work; they wanted me to write a book. Actually, I had co-written a book in the late 80s on marine weather hazards in Atlantic Canada and three other books had been written in the following few years as supplements; the supplements focused on local weather effects around Atlantic Canada. By the time we got to 1995 there was a growing demand to have all 4 books rolled into one large guide to marine weather in the region. A lot of new information was available to include in the book as well as significant improvements to what had been written. I estimated 6-7 months to do the job, if I could focus … something difficult to do in a workplace that could be best described as cube-ville (if you've ever read Dilbert cartoons you understand).

I asked my manager if I could do some of the research and writing from home (teleworking was a relatively novel concept at that time but not unheard of).

“Sure – do whatever you need to write the book,” she said. I thanked her and asked what kind of reporting protocols she had in mind.

“Just let me know how it’s going when there’s something worth reporting and let me know if there are any problems or something that you need.”

“Great,” I said … “but do you want me to give you a report once a week … once a month … or what?”

<pause>

“Just bring me a book by the end of March.”

The finished product was called, “Where the Wind Blows.” 

That’s empowerment. 

(note – Martha, my manager, didn't take it too far and ignore me, because that would have been abrogation … she simply made sure I always had what I needed in order to do the job).

I've only cracked the surface of this topic, but my own data supports what others report. P.I.E. is a principle that you can take to the bank when it comes to engaging a human being. Next week we’ll get personal and see how you are at engaging yourself (if you always wait for someone else to do it for you it will be a long hard life).

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

The PIE PRINCIPLE – A Story and a Prime Directive for Engagement

Happy Easter Monday Viphilus*

A few years ago a colleague and I were asked to train a group of about a dozen managers on change-management and engagement. The managers had been flown in to Toronto from around the country for a multi-day retreat and the director wanted us to kick off their retreat with a full-day workshop. He felt that it would be advantageous for us to get to know the managers a bit before our actual training, and of course, we agreed. He invited us to fly in the evening before the retreat and join them for an icebreaker meal at a restaurant close to the hotel.

We sat at a long table and enjoyed pleasantries while surveying the menus. Everything listed sounded delicious, so I knew that I would do what I’d done countless times before … let my server surprise me with whatever he chose.

[Side note – This used to make my family crazy. My kids would always say, “how can you do that Dad … what if he brings you something you don’t like?” My wife would sometimes warn with, “what if he chooses the most expensive item on the menu, like the surf ‘n turf?”]

Everyone was chatting over the menu choices and my colleague asked me what I was going to have. “I think I’ll let the waiter surprise me – it all looks good.” She smiled because she’d seen me do that before. Our host director, sitting directly across from me and having heard my comment asked, “what if he brings you something you don’t like?” The manager directly across from my colleague had obviously been intrigued by the conversation and piped in with, “what if he picks the most expensive item on the menu, like surf ‘n turf?”

At this point I suddenly realized that a dozen pair of eyes and ears were trained on me … all with faces of incredulity. I erupted into laughter (and I think I might even have said something like, “what are you all, my wife and kids?”) 

Then I realized it … I had an opportunity to begin the workshop right there in the restaurant. I explained to the director (knowing that many ears were listening) that I had already glanced at the menu and knew that there was nothing I didn't like … that I enjoy being surprised … and that by letting him pick my meal I’ll get better service from the waiter than all the rest of them put together. [note - making a predictive claim like this is akin to The Babe pointing to the centre-field bleachers while waiting for the pitch - pretty gutsy].

All I got back were dismissive glances and a few rolled eyes. 

OK, this wasn't our server ... but could you engage this guy?

The server arrived, systematically working his way down the table taking the orders. He was a pleasant chap who clearly enjoyed serving larger groups. When he got to me I handed him the closed menu and said that everything looked good. Then I got quite specific, “Surprise me – I don’t want to know what you’re choosing until it arrives – there is nothing I don’t like.” His eyes widened (I’m sure that if it were a CSI episode the camera would have zoomed in to see his pupils dilating) but he wasn't flustered … “I can do that.” He finished taking the orders and departed.

The looks changed from dismissive to expectant … as if they needed more of an explanation. Perfect.

“By letting him pick my meal I engaged him at a higher level than the rest of you did by making him more responsible for the outcome of my experience.” I intentionally used words like engagement and outcome because these managers eat words like that for breakfast and I wanted to trigger their attention.

I continued, “when he brings our food you’ll see him explain his choice for me and say he hopes I really enjoy it … and later when he comes back to check on how we are enjoying our meals he will pay special attention to me to be really sure that I’m enjoying my meal. And as for the price … the servers always pick something middle of the road in price … it’s as if they are afraid of being presumptuous that I am looking for either extreme. I’ve never had a waiter pick the most expensive item on the menu, but even if he did, I already know what that is and I’m prepared to pay for it.”

It was so much fun watching my meal-mates observe the waiter as he seemed to follow my prediction as if it were a script in a play that I had written. He delivered our plates one-by-one, and as he put mine in front of me, he lingered, with hand on my shoulder, and explained why he thought this was the right choice for me.”

My meal-mates were now really paying attention.

A handful of minutes later … after we had all had a few bites (and of course, mine was delicious) … he came back to check on our satisfaction. But it was too funny … he came ONLY TO ME … and with a hand on my shoulder again, he squatted down a bit and said, “so what do you think?” I assured him that it was the perfect choice for me. He left the table without asking anyone else, but while he was still within earshot, the director shouted across the restaurant to him, “mine is good too, thanks for asking!”

Our participants had begun their training … and my colleague and I got their full attention the next morning when we began the real workshop.

So what happened? Why did I get such good service? Why was my experience better than average? Why was it better than perhaps you normally get from your server when you dine out?

I engaged him by doing three things … three really important things. If every director, manager, supervisor, leader, parent, pastor, etc., knew to do these things, they would find it transformative. Here’s what I did with my server:

1. I gave him a job to do (bring my meal)
2. I made it personal  (I invited his personal opinion into my choice)
3. I gave him authority to make the final decision on his own.

This leads me to listing the 3 dimensions of a single Prime Directive for engagement:

Make sure that engagement efforts always include
PURPOSE          IDENTITY        EMPOWERMENT

Next week I’ll get into the principle behind this (the PIE principle), some details of how it works, and how engagement must be intrinsically driven. For now, please just let these three words hang in your mind: Purpose Identity Empowerment

One comment first; not every server has welcomed the freedom that I gave my server in the story above … some have been so trained to have either a compliance mindset or a scarcity mentality that they are simply too afraid to take that level of authority on themselves. You have employees, children, friends and family who suffer the same limitations … this takes more than a one-time opportunity to engage them … it takes special care and handling to help them un-train themselves to be free to fully-engage. We’ll look at this over and over again in this blog.

One New Disciple…
A couple months later I was delivering training on personal-engagement and energy-management in Saskatchewan. My host traveled with me for the week as we went from city to city for the tour. After seeing me do the “surprise me” thing with my waiter a couple of times during our restaurant times, the questions came. I explained my reasoning as I had done with the director in Toronto. He was fascinated.

A week after returning home to Halifax I got a cryptic text from my new Saskatchewan friend, “I just tried it. Amazing meal and experience. Middle of the road price. Thanks for the idea.” I showed the text to my wife, who went, “huh?” Of course, I knew what just happened. I texted back and asked for details. Turned out he was texting me during his meal … he and his family had gone out for supper (he owed them some time since he had been travelling with me for a week) and he did the “surprise me” maneuver with his server. Apparently, his kids said, “but what if you don’t like what they bring you Dad?”  And his wife followed with … wait for it … “what if they bring you the most expensive item on the menu, like surf ‘n turf?”  I just wish that all human behaviour was as predictable. But I have at least one new believer in Saskatchewan.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"

SLOWING – how to S-L-O-W D–O–W-N

Good to have you back Viphilus*

This post is the last on the topic of slowing down (April's theme and topics are shown in the margin at right). Today the focus is on actions … so let’s quickly get to some practices to help you slow down. Well, not too quickly.

What should you expect when trying to slow down? Know this … even the simplest (or goofiest) of the suggestions below can be important scaffolding to help you build a slower cadence into your life. The ebb and flow of life naturally presents you with enough real urgent situations without having to manufacture your own, intentionally or accidentally.

The learning objective is to take (make) every possible opportunity to break the rhythm of URGENCY in your life and choose to do things simply because they are IMPORTANT … and do them before they become urgent. This helps establish in you a proactive nature while diminishing your natural reactive tendencies. As well, it helps bring about significant holistic recovery from the stresses associated with urgency.

Remember the time-matrix from the March 16 post? If you haven’t read it, stop now and read that and the other posts from March … they are the set-up for today’s. Choose to live in Quadrant 2 as much as you can. Choose to live in Quadrant 3 as little as humanly (and divinely) possible; it’s transformative!  Choose to never live in Quadrant 4.

Read the March 16 post for a reminder of what this is about

Below is a baker’s dozen of suggested rituals (some with a few parts to them). Read them right through to the end. Then read the list again, stopping to pause on ones that intrigued you. Spend a long time pondering the ones that annoy or scare you.

1.    Make a commitment to yourself – RIGHT now – to not try to slow down too quickly or expect instant results from your efforts of slowing.

2.    Become more intentional about doing things because they are important to do and not just because they have a deadline. For things that come with a deadline, accomplish them long before the deadline makes it urgent. This will help to break your dependency on being driven by urgency rather than importance. Make a commitment to yourself right NOW. (if you are a person of faith, ask God for help in this).

3.    Begin immediately some of John Ortberg’s suggested slowing-down disciplines:

·         Deliberately drive in the slow lane (and rather than cursing those who pass you, think nobler thoughts about them and relish in the joy of being a considerate driver)

·         Declare a fast from honking… put your horn under a vow of silence

·         Eat your food slowly… force yourself to chew at least 15 times before each swallow.

4.    Go a day without wearing a watch

5.    Each morning as you begin your normal routine, include the following affirmation (or something similar) out loud to yourself: “My parents were right … haste makes waste. There are too many important people and too many important goals in my day to jeopardize any one of them by hurrying … so I will slow down and allow myself to accomplish the most.”

6.    If you are a person of faith …. over the next month introduce BillHybels’ slowing down practices into your life to improve the effectiveness of your prayer-time with God:

·         Let your knees hit the floor first when you roll out of bed; this forces you to slow down and shift from your agenda to God’s and keeps you from beginning your day in a hurry

·         Journaling (gets your RPMs down from 10,000 to 5,000)

·         Write out your prayers (gets your RPMs then down to about 500)

·         Listen to God (only possible by getting the RPMs way way down)

7.    Pick a day for you (and your family if possible) to declare a “technology fast.” No Internet, TV, text messaging, or email (or even pick just one of those). Progress to trying this each week.

8.    Seize every opportunity to practice solitude. Try for at least one hour a week where you simply assess your degree of impatience and impulsiveness. Know that these stem from hurry-sickness. Make a commitment to yourself to TRAIN these out of you.

Quiet time alone is one of the best ways to slow down

9.    Schedule unstructured-time in your calendar (time when you are not doing or producing – just being).

10. Take an hour to sit on a bench in the middle of a shopping mall and watch the frenzied nature of people going by, noting the look of urgency in their eyes. Following that realize that others have likely noticed you through the same eyes. Think about this and then purpose to slow down.

11. Here’s another one from Ortberg … at the grocery store, look carefully to see which check-out line is the longest and get in it … then let one person go ahead of you.

12. For the rest of your life, never again push the “CLOSE DOOR” button on an elevator (after all, it’s nothing more than an urgency-enabling device to keep you locked in that destructive paradigm). Cherish the gift of these extra few seconds and use them to your advantage:

·         Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths

·         Close your eyes, take one deep breath and just clear your mind

·         If you are not alone, enjoy the private amusement while you watch others reach past you to push the button, evidence of their own hurry-sickness … then pray for them

·         Reflect in your mind over the top 3 roles that you are playing that day … or the top 3 goals that you have for that day.

13. For one week, when you drive in the car alone, do not turn on the radio, CD player, IPOD, (or cassette or 8-track) or have any sound. If you get through a week, try another one. If still successful keep it going as long as you can.

shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Some of these may sound pointless or silly but don’t underestimate their power to help initiate in you a paradigm shift away from a hurried perspective. Remember the prime directive from the Mar.9 post: Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life!

OK, so if you did what I suggested and have read through them a couple times, reflecting on some, pondering deeply on others …. Then you are ready.

PICK 2 and implement them immediately.

Getting Real
If you are still looking for something more than just a list before you decide which ones you'll pick … read on for some real-life stories about some of these in either my life or the life of someone I have had the privilege of training. The numbers correspond to the list numbers above.

1.    Slowing down too quickly – almost everyone jumps in too quickly and tries to microwave the benefits that come from slowing. My first attempt was in the early 90s and it took the form of a personal retreat for a week. I hadn’t heard about John Ortberg or any of his ideas about simple ways of introducing spiritual disciplines into the life of an ordinary person. My expectations about the results of my retreat were other-worldly so, of course, I could only end up disappointed. By the conclusion of my week of “slowing down” I was in much worse shape and was convinced that such pursuits were sheer nonsense. It would be almost a decade before I would try again … but not by conscious decision … it was an emotional breakdown that would eventually make the choice for me.

2.    Be intentional about doing things just because they are important – I remember the day I made the commitment to stop living reactively and start living proactively. It was after re-reading Covey’s 7-Habits book, and in particular, his ideas surrounding proactivity and the Eisenhower time-matrix. This was a game-changer for me and dramatically changed my use of time; I realized that I would never find time for anything, but that I had to make time for what was important. Before I knew it the things that were important started to naturally crowd out the things that were simply urgent. I also discovered that many of my quadrant 1 activities (things that were both urgent and important) could be shifted to quadrant 2 (important but not urgent) by simply dealing with them before they became urgent. I remember the most immediate benefit was the dramatic decrease in my perceived stress load.

3.    Ortberg’s slowing down disciplines – The first year I began teaching these things in a group setting was fun as I got to see, for the first time, the reactions of other people to some of these exercises. There was one woman who confessed to succumbing to road-rage too easily. When I suggested that she might consider practicing the discipline of deliberately driving in the slow lane, her reaction was more than visceral … it bordered on hysterical revulsion. The group enjoyed (a little too much) pointing out to her that since her reaction was so strong that it had, in fact, identified to her (and all the rest of us) where she should begin her scaffolding. She returned the following session and reported that she gave it the ol’ college try … and that it nearly killed her to slow down that much. [Don’t underestimate the power of these simple exercises to evoke strong emotional reactions. And understand, the stronger the reaction, the more it needs to grab your attention about something wrong on the inside.]

6.    Bill Hybel’s slowing down disciplines – I embraced a couple of these more than a decade ago. The one worth reporting here is how I wake up – instantly!  When my eyes open up I literally pop out of bed and am instantly functional … as in, my mind is already racing with what I want/need to do and I could be at my computer 60 seconds later, cranking out something. I realized, however, that just because I could, doesn't mean that I should … and Hybels' slowing down exercise of letting my knees hit the floor first as I roll out of bed is a powerful one for me. It’s an instituted ritual that became a habit that became lifestyle. This action forces me to slow the RPMs of my brain down as I begin my day with prayer. (for those who aren't comfortable with that, then let it be time for contemplation). Either way … I have found it is pretty hard to do anything quickly when I get on my knees. The position alone engenders humility which is hard to do in a hurry. This is a great SLOW way to start my day.

10. Sit on a bench in the mall and watch hurried people – I've done this for much of my life. Initially I did this exercise in a pure judgmental mode, feeling superior to the “poor clods who just don’t get it.” It wasn't very noble but I did find it insightful. Later I noticed that I was watching more from a pity-mode, genuinely feeling sorry for “those poor people who just don’t know any better.” Now, when I do this I observe the hurry in the faces, demeanor and words of others and immediately find myself examining my own remaining hurry-sickness to see if I might still have more of it in me than I want to admit. Obviously, the less judgmental the better … but it’s all still data-gathering.

11. Ortberg’s grocery store checkout exercise – this one deserves its own section because of the following funny story. The first year I taught this material to a group there were 18 people in the group, including a husband and wife. It was a Saturday morning and when it was over I sent everyone on their way with a strong encouragement to practice some of the slowing down rituals we had discussed and then report back to the group next time how they did. I began the following meeting with the promised follow-up, “So, how did all of you do with your slowing exercises?”

The husband of the couple was the first to speak. “After the group finished last time we went straight to the grocery store … something we had planned on doing before we came to group that day. We did our shopping and came to the checkouts with about a half cart of groceries. I said to my wife, ‘Well, I guess we should probably do Peter’s grocery store exercise, shouldn't we?’  ‘Right now?’ she pushed back. He said, ‘well with that attitude, I think you need this right now!’” (brave husband)

In his story he told how she rolled her eyes and harrumphed as they looked for the longest line. To their shagrin, one line was twice as long as the others (I'm convinced that this only happens in Nova Scotia). After another harrumph they joined the long line and proceeded to experience a 15 minute slow-shuffle to the cash.

Oh yeah … he is about 6’3” and well over 300 pounds. This is important to know for what happens next.

When they finally get to the checkout, he says to his wife, “well, we might as well go all the way with this,” at which point he turned to the woman behind them and said, “why don’t you go ahead of us?” The woman politely refused saying something like, “Oh no, thank you … you've been waiting just as long as I have … besides, I have a lot more groceries than you do.” To which my proud student said, “no, you have to go first … it’s part of my therapy!”

His wife confirmed that the woman backed up a little (and probably considered switching lanes). [these exercises don’t have to be boring – they can be downright hilarious, if you let them]

12. The Close Door Button – of all the things I have taught, this is the one that has garnered the greatest attention and has been practiced by the most trainees. I have had people run into me 5 years after I've delivered training, telling me that they still don’t push the button. Personally, I have made wonderful use of elevator time, especially during my working years, to steal an extra 5-10 seconds of recovery through one or two cleansing breaths. One thing is for sure … there is an unwritten code in society that declares, “he who is closest to the panel must push this button.” I've actually received some very dirty looks from people who gave up waiting for me to push it and almost pushed me out of the way to do what I was “supposed to do.” I actually had one woman (in her late 50s or early 60s) actually stare at me in disgust while she repeatedly (noisily) pushed the button. I confess that I didn't take the high road … I blurted out laughing as I said, "In a hurry, are we?" OK, I'm not proud of myself for that one, yet I'm smiling as I recall it now. 

13. Drive in quiet – joking aside, this one literally was transformative for me. Until 2001 the thought of driving alone with no radio or music playing was unconscionable. Then I had my crash ‘n burn. Obviously something snapped in me because I lost all interest in music or news and for a period of almost a year there was total silence in the car while I drove alone. I didn't choose this … it was apathy that really made the choice. BUT … I came to discover that with no sound, I was able to think. Think about what? The things that had led to my breakdown. I started enjoying this quiet time for thinking and deep contemplation. It carried over into my out-of-car life and I found myself enjoying silence and noiselessness at every waking opportunity. It was probably almost ten years before I started listening to anything again in the car … and even then, only on occasion. But to this day, the first 2-4 hours of my day are usually in total silence. What started as a dysfunctional response in the car has turned into one of my most important recovery practices. I find that sound, even music that I love, amps me up inside. Silence slows me down. I need SLOW because there is already enough FAST in everything else.

OK…. Pick 2.

Blessings Viphilus,

Your friend, Omega Man

OCA Training

* Viphilus means, "lover of life"